BIG TRUCK, LITTLE PENIS- and if I had a Big Dick, I Wouldn’t Need this Corvette

“Now all they need is one (non magnetic, of course) for Corvette owners. Something to the effect of, “If I Had a Big Dick I Wouldn’t Need This Corvette”
These giant magnetic bumper stickers are ideal pranks to pull on truck owners.
I worked in Chevy dealerships, and very quickly learned to loathe Corvette owners.  Truck guys- even the ones with the jacked up and modified monstrosities- were never as obnoxious as Corvette owners.  I never encountered a group of automotive enthusiasts who are both cheap and incredibly fussy at the same time.  The attitude goes like this, “I want it perfect, I want it NOW, and what’s my discount?”
When I had the authority to set the Corvette owners’ “discount,” it was usually something like list + 50, which means regular retail plus 50% of regular retail.  So if list price was $100, I would quote them $150.  They got a pretty hefty surcharge for being a royal pompous pain in my ass.
Fussy owners in the automotive fancy are nothing new.  I have dealt with truck owners (usually not too terrible) including Land Cruiser enthusiasts, who, while fussy, were some of my favorites to deal with.  The major difference between Land Cruiser owners and Corvette owners is that a Land Cruiser owner wants it perfect and wants it NOW, AND is willing to pay for “perfect” and “NOW.”  I always loved Land Cruiser owners when I worked in Toyota dealerships.  They’re fussy and demanding, yes, but they don’t mind paying for the privilege.
I have to state that yes, there are guys who compensate for their tiny johnsons with excessive horsepower.  I’ve seen it, and it isn’t pretty.  I really could care less how big your truck is if you’re the poster child for ED,and/or if you are a tightwad, and/or your hair is held on with double faced tape.  Show me a guy who drives a Prius and isn’t self conscious about it, and he’s probably quite comfortable in his masculinity.  Then again, so are the lesbians who don’t shave their legs and have stopped using soap.  They are really comfortable in their truckers’ wallets and their masculinity.  That’s a pretty scary crowd too, especially when the technicians make commentary on the pit hair of the one wearing the tank top.  I didn’t need to know that “she”? has longer pit hair than all three technicians combined.  TMI.  Acck.  Excessive body hair is bad enough on men.  It’s positively revolting on women.

7 thoughts on “BIG TRUCK, LITTLE PENIS- and if I had a Big Dick, I Wouldn’t Need this Corvette

  1. Came this way via “Find an Outlet”, and I like your humor. Once as a kid had a job at a Porche dealer cleaning cars. Porsche owners were a real piece of work! Except for once. This guy drove up to the dealership in a Porche and left it for an oil change. He was wearing country club clothes and boat shoes and carrying a huge paper bag. He walked down the street towards a bad section of town. When he came back an hour later I asked him out of curiosity what was in the paper bag. It was sandwiches that he had made and gave to the street people. He made them himself. There must have been 50 of the things. Now that opened my eyes.

    I’m a big guy that drives a small truck.

  2. I discovered when I worked at the Infiniti dealer that some people with flashy cars and fat wallets also have big and generous hearts. Some of them- like the guy who let his five year old loose with a black Sharpie marker in his Q45 and then expected us to replace his leather interior under warranty- are obnoxious, pompous wienies, though. I have to admit I took a certain delight in telling this particular jackhole where to shove that idea, and if he wanted a light grey interior again- sans Sharpie art- it would cost him about seven grand. You see all kinds in the luxury dealers just like you do in the Chevy and Toyota dealers. I loved the truck guys- especially the Toyota 4X4 guys- when I worked parts counter, because they were usually a bit more down to earth. I’d been worried about you if you said you drive a Corvette (though there are exceptions that prove the rule: I have met a few Corvette guys I genuinely like!)

    Thanks for stopping by- and enjoy your truck!

  3. Gabe says:

    Oh not all big truck owners or Corvette owners fit that profile. I’ve got a rather nice sedan in the garage but choose to drive my truck on 36″ tires because it gets the morons away from me when my daughter is in the vehicle. I drive the sedan and it’s moronville all on the tail of my car or brake checking me because they think they’ll get a settlement. Living in the city isn’t easy.
    Saying that all men who drive big trucks have small cocks is like saying all women who wear short skirts are asking to for harassment.

    • True, there are many exceptions. Truck owners are actually my favorite retail customers to deal with as they are usually very down to earth and know what they want. I’ve dealt with the good the bad and the ugly with Corvette guys though. When you spend that kind of scratch on a car you want what you want. I’m not terribly impressed with spending 75K on a ride like that, but different strokes for different folks. If I could
      Afford to do the classic car/exotic car thing I’d like a ’69 Toyota FJ40 Landcruiser. Go figure.

      • Gabe says:

        Well I’ve got to admit, I build pro-touring cars, mostly first gen Chevrolets and the LS motors are in my opinion the most efficient engines in the world. I can bolt on 700+ HP and as much torque. I think the new money Vette buyers are different than the old school Corvette Club members, take it out on the weekends, and enjoy it then park it back in the garage.
        Regardless of the amount of hair on one’s head or the size of their genitalia, I still stand firm in the belief that dollar for dollar there’s not a car in the world that can compete with the Corvette’s performance.
        As for the trucks, I found out a long time ago that when your bumper is at the height of most people’s windshield and there’s a drop hitch sticking out even further people won’t tailgate you they’ll go around. It also minimizes jerks who refuse to allow a lane change.
        Unfortunately Dallas is the capital of poor drivers.

      • Gabe says:

        Oh I have to respectively disagree. There’s never a justification for treating another as less than or using a persons choice of style as justification for being a jerk.
        If society behaved that way, today’s short skirt could lead to tomorrow’s oppressive beliefs like the hijab or burqa.
        Besides, ya gotta admit a short skirt trumps some skinny a** kid with his pants down around his knees holding his junk.

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