The Outrage of the Morally Bankrupt Molech Worshippers, Useful Idiots, and I Am Neither Surprised Nor Amused

January 3, 2020Tonya Lanthron Leave a comment

solemani

It’s predictable, yet frightening. The outrage over the assassination of an Iranian terrorist coming from the Left is not surprising, but downright stupid nonetheless. These are the same people who endorse, celebrate and take as a twisted sacrament the wholesale murder of unborn children (whose only crime in 99.9% of instances was to have been inconveniently conceived.) Let that sink in for a moment.

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Of course we forget to our peril that the whole debacle in Iran and in the greater Middle East is Jimmy Carter’s mess that dates back to 1979. If anything we should remember that negotiating with terrorists only gets you more terrorism. Obama poured gasoline on the dying embers of that fire- importing unvetted “refugees” from every radical Islamic terrorist nation on the globe and plopping them down in the Midwest- and appeasing the alligators of Iranian terror with planeloads of cash. Jimmy, in his defense, was probably just a useful idiot being blind to history and too kind hearted for his own good. Obama, not so much. To call him a cheerleader for radical Islam is mild- his actions have proven him to be at the very least one of their soldiers, if not a flat out traitor.

Trump is not going to tolerate the Islamofascist nonsense. He sees Islamic terror for what it is- an evil scourge on humanity that makes Hitler’s brand of fascism – Nazism- look like a harmless frat party. Trump is doing his job as Commander in Chief- taking out known threats to the United States and our interests. It looks strange, and the Left is offended to see an American president standing his, and our ground, because the Left has become so accustomed to milquetoast appeasers like Carter, both Bushes (to a degree), Clinton and Obama. They hate Trump 1. because he is right, and 2. because he is not their lap dog.

What most Westerners, and especially the historically illiterate Left don’t realize is that Islam has a long and violent history. The word “Islam” itself means “submission.” As in conversion by force- if not to the worship of their false moon-god idol, to at least the submission to their fascist system of government known as sharia law. Every nation that has been touched by radical Islam has fallen into civil war and brutality. Think Syria, Somalia, Iran and Iraq, if you need examples from 20th and 21st century history.

Islam in a nutshell, is a form of fascism more invasive and brutal than the Nazis’, because it hides behind a false religion. Like Nazism, it slips in under the radar in a republic under the guise of “freedom of ideas and/ or religion.” The unprecedented settling of Muslim invaders in the heart of America was, and is, a trojan horse. Already, thanks to Obama and to state governors hungry for ill-gotten federal subsidies, there are communities in Minnesota, Michigan and Ohio that have become “Little Mogadishus”- hotbeds of Islamic settlements, paid for by taxpayers’ money, financed by working American citizens via the welfare dole. Democrats need votes somehow, and apparently the cemeteries aren’t proving to be fruitful enough. Non-citizens get away with voting (at least in Ohio) without ID by providing a utility bill- which has no photo, and one does not need to be a citizen to have utilities in one’s name. There is a reason why the Left vehemently opposes voter ID. It makes it harder for them to cheat.

When the fascists gain power in numbers, then everyone else’s voices are silenced. Again, Nazi Germany and how Hitler used a democratic system to defeat itself is a prime example. Historical illiteracy- and one needs only go back to the 20th century to see this- is incredibly dangerous.

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Why the Left has sought the alliance of a rabid bedfellow such as Islam is mindboggling. Islam is no friend to the LBGTQ, XYZ, multiple gender snowflake movement or to the radical environmentalists. Conservative Christians may oppose gay marriage- but we don’t behead gay people. Conservative Christians may advocate complimentary roles for men and women- but we don’t require women to wear burqas or forbid them from driving or from entering into contracts. Conservative Christians may not agree with the radical environmental movement, but we know that the imams are not going to forgo halal butchering techniques (which amount to animal cruelty) any time soon.

The same people who scream for “reproductive rights” (i.e. making killing unborn children a twisted sacrament) are the same people who scream in outrage because our Commander in Chief deems it fit to take out a terrorist who is a scourge on the world and is a deep threat to national security. It’s hard to make up that sort of hypocrisy and lunacy, but it’s alive and well. reproductive-rights-choose-life

The same people who have no problem at all with infanticide or the Islamization of the West, are outraged at a citizen within his second amendment right to shoot a well placed hollow point to the head to stop a killer in his tracks. They will cry and grovel and finance endless appeals to keep evil killers, rapists and molesters- as well as terrorists- alive and well and comfortable with free health care and cable TV- on the taxpayer’s dime, of course.

The irony is that if the radical Islamists get their way the Left will be bereft of all they hold dear…except mindless killing, and exploiting the American taxpayer to do it. This is what they have in common.

Now Is Not the Time for “Civility,” and the Eloquence of Stating the Obvious

March 28, 2016Tonya Lanthron 1 Comment

captain obvious

It’s sad that in this politically correct world, that young adults are encouraged to cling neurotically to “safe spaces” where they won’t be hurt by cruel (though often true) words. It’s bad enough that these poor kids grew up believing that everyone gets a trophy, but to believe that everything is OK just because you can’t or won’t face reality is simply cowardice and stupidity.

Ignoring the present Muslim invasion is ignoring history. Of course, history isn’t taught as it should be, for if it were, the Western world would not have forgotten the lessons of the past. One would think that the relatively recent rise and fall of Nazism and the end of Soviet Communism would serve as stout warnings against totalitarian and/or collectivist movements, but apparently stupidity dies hard. Islam, in spite of being a false and counterfeit religion, has been around much longer than either Nazism or Communism. It’s been in the death and deceit business a very long time.

Radical Islam vs_ the west

As the world has witnessed over the past few decades of so-called Arab liberation, Islam is anything but peaceful. Islam does not seek to co-exist with other value systems, nor does it seek for its adherents to hold hands and sing about living in harmony with everyone. It is more of a brutal and archaic socioeconomic system than it is a religion, even though in its barbarity it hides behind the worship of an ancient Arabic moon-god idol. Islam deifies a false god that is most certainly NOT the One True God that Jews and Christians worship. At best, Islam should be considered a nihilistic death cult that should be shunned and condemned by the civilized world. Until just the past few decades, this was the position of the Western world. Why we have felt the need to defend or protect those who belong to value systems that want anyone outside of that value system dead is beyond me.

I never want any female relative or descendant of mine to have to be enslaved by Islam- hidden behind a burqa, and beholden to the whims of “men” who think it perfectly acceptable to behead anyone they disagree with, and to fornicate with anything that has a hole in it. Unless perhaps that something is a pig or a dog? In a way I find it interesting that Islamic law considers dogs unclean. There’s something about calling something good evil that smacks of irony here.

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Clara is actually very clean for a dog. And she doesn’t wipe her ass with her bare hand.

I can’t help but see a very clear lesson from the past. Neville Chamberlain thought that if he appeased Hitler that appeasement would bring peace. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Ann Coulter has her usual catty and spot on insight on this here.

Obama (and with far less noble aims than Chamberlain) either thinks that he can buy peace from radical Islam by allowing their invaders to settle here freely, or he knows full well that he is opening the door to a foreign and hostile army by settling “refugees” in this country. Considering Obama’s actions and affiliations in the past, he is most likely aiding and abetting Islamic terror with full purpose and intent. Either of those above choices is a bad choice, because there is no brokering peace with an ideology hell bent upon war. Inviting them in only makes the war all the more inevitable. One does not appease alligators by feeding them. Feeding alligators only makes them stronger and hungrier, as we should have learned from Hitler.

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This is not the time for civility. It is the time for blunt honesty no matter who gets butt hurt about it. There are people who follow an ideology- Islam- that calls for the death of everyone outside of that system. Even though this ideology hides behind the façade of religion, in truth, we ignore the evil of radical Islam to our peril.

Evil Must Be Named, Rabid Dogs, and Insanity

December 11, 2015Tonya Lanthron Leave a comment

Hey, you, Terrorist Joe- your freedom of religion ends when your “religion” tells you to kill me.

I’ve been watching the events of the world unfold for the past few weeks (actually I am a more avid observer of current events and of history’s unfolding than I appear to be) and I have a few observations I believe are worth sharing.

Obama Muslim Brotherhood

First of all, Barack Hussein Obama is a joke- a sad, sick and deadly joke, but still a joke. I’ve known this since 2008 when I saw this ass-clown running for president, and I thought (erroneously, sadly enough) that the American people couldn’t possibly be that stupid. However, a little creative fixing by the Chicago machine, a complete whitewash (pun intended) of a shady character’s nebulous past, and a lame, senile Republican candidate (remember John McCain?) to run against, and we have the first ever foreign traitor squatting in our White House. Repeat in 2012 just to make it interesting- all made easier because now there are even more illegals and dead people voting Democrat than ever before. So we are still burdened with this effete, weak, and completely clueless wanna-be dictator squatting in our White House, blithely putting out the welcome mat for every radical Muslim terrorist nut job in the world.

temperance ladies I bet these girls led some pretty lonely lives.

I freely admit that I am as white, Anglo-Saxon and Protestant as the day is long, so I can’t say that I’m an authority on Islam or that I can attest to what ALL Muslims believe. I freely admit that when I was taking adult Confirmation classes (late 1980s) that our Pastor taught that Islam is a cult and a false religion. He didn’t go in depth about Islam except to point out that it is a counterfeit, a poor substitute for the truth, and that Muslims deny the divinity of Christ. That being said, obviously they are not Christians. I can deal with people not being Christian. I have a good number of friends who claim to be atheist for what it’s worth.

I am not one of those obnoxious individuals who insists that everyone who believes differently than me is going to fry in the eternal fires of hell. I believe in hell, and that there will be people who end up there, but I generally don’t try to shove my interpretation of Christianity on anyone. As a confessional Lutheran (as well as someone who pretty much also subscribes to Molinism,) I believe humans are powerless to bring themselves to saving faith. It’s God Who does the saving. Now the Holy Spirit can and does work through people, and as a Christian I am supposed to let that happen, but as far as winning hearts… that’s not something I can do- apart from God Himself.

Proverbs

While as a Christian I would be thrilled to see everyone come to saving faith in Christ, in this country one has the right under the First Amendment to worship whoever, or whatever, or nothing at all. It’s none of my business if you want to bark at the moon, hail Satan, or worship a 1993 Ford Escort- as long as none of that involves pushing your religion off on me, or worse, killing me if I don’t dance around your particular tree.

Isis Crescent Moon

From what I have discerned, Islam was founded upon the visions of a deranged individual (Mohammed) who devised a bastard theology that mixed together the worship of an Arabic moon-god with some elements of Judaism and Christianity, with a little bit of child molestation and bestiality thrown in there for fun. Oh, and let’s not forget how Islam regards and treats women.

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While the burqa would save time on hair styling and makeup, it would make driving a bit awkward. Walking too.

I don’t care if you really want to believe in the false religion of Islam- or if you want to bark at the moon or pee on trees- that’s your business- until you take it to the point where you believe that you have express permission to kill everyone who doesn’t subscribe to the same ideology.

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I agree with Donald Trump that people who buy in to the belief system of radical Islam should not be permitted to immigrate to the United States. As long as there are Islamic terror groups who chant “Death to America” and who think it’s OK to annihilate the “infidels”- and who are doing so with impunity around the world- then they can keep themselves and their belief system back in the third world holes from which they came.

I don’t understand why people can’t see the parallels between Islamic terror groups and Nazism. Some will be quick to say that Nazism was a political ideology rather than a religion. I would be even quicker to say that radical Islam is even more evil as a political ideology because it uses a (false) religion as a smoke screen for its true nihilistic purpose. All Hitler had to fly on was junk science and fabricated Nordic myths.

Winston Churchill once said that “Islam in a man is like rabies in a dog.” The sad thing about both rabies and radical Islam is there is no cure for either apart from killing the host organism.

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Radical Islam is an evil, nihilistic force in this world that is fatal (like rabies) and much like Nazism, seeks to spread and kill and destroy anything that contradicts it. Allowing more of this nihilistic ideology into the United States or any other civilized part of the world is pure idiocy and ignorance.

Where is common sense? Why can’t we call evil what it is?

Sex, Death, Rock-n-Roll- and It’s Eternity In There

November 10, 2015Tonya Lanthron Leave a comment

I never really made it a point to contemplate the paradox of sex and death. Perhaps someone ten years (and more, sadly) removed from the enjoyment of carnal pleasure isn’t qualified to comment, but I still live, breathe and dream. I have desires whether I can act on them or not.

The French have a way of making things that can sound vulgar in English a little more mysterious and exotic. A ménage a trois doesn’t sound as bad as a threesome, even though it means exactly the same thing. So while calling an orgasm la petite mort (the little death) can seem a bit melodramatic and bordering on morbid, it is certainly apropos.

These things usually hit me when I least expect it, if not in unbidden memories, then in dreams.

Old Dr. Freud would be having a heyday with my dreams. The things I find myself embroiled in (in dreams, that is) that would leave me shocked and mortified in the waking world are beyond the pale. Which may be why they are safely relegated to dreams. The things I imagine are just too impossible for reality, and I will not attempt to chronicle them here.

Yes, Dream. After Dream (the Journey album) is awesome. My dreams are just bizarre. And rated X.

Many years ago, Stephen King wrote a short story called The Jaunt. It was about a scientist who discovered a virtually cost-free way to teleport people through time and space. The only problem is that living things would die shortly after being “jaunted”- unless they were put under anesthetic. At the end of the story, the man telling the story to his children awakes in horror as his son went through the Jaunt awake- and the son had aged by decades and decades and gone quite mad, before he dropped dead.

Before the son dropped dead his last words were, “It’s eternity in there.”

Of course The Jaunt’s version of eternity isn’t a positive one, so it’s probably not the best illustration of that moment where time stands still and the universe is simply two, but it’s a similar concept. There is a dimension beyond time, for good or ill.

When I was growing up I was given the impression that sex was The Ultimate Sin and the only thing worse than utilitarian procreational-only married sex is murder. It didn’t help that Mom is old-school Catholic (and I mean pre-Vatican II) and Dad is more or less a lapsed Regular Baptist. Both of their traditions will drill it in your head that you are better off dead than to have sex and enjoy it.

Yes, Christians are hypocrites, just like everyone else.

Good “Christian soldiers” are allowed to have sex only if they are married to each other, the lights are out, the only position is man-on-top missionary style, they only do it because they’re trying to make a baby, and they aren’t allowed to enjoy it.

We did what? For that? Why?

Since I never really had a desire to go out and kill people, (at least not a desire to kill anyone that overrides my fear of arrest and inevitable incarceration) then for me, sex was the only “mortal sin” that had any allure to it. And it had a LOT of allure to it when I was younger. I freely admit it. I just had a really hard time finding suitable, complicit males. That was probably a blessing in disguise, and nature’s way of chlorinating the gene pool to some extent.

I’m not into carpooling, because I’d rather “ride with Hitler” than with the friendly neighborhood serial killer. I like having my car all to myself.

My son doesn’t get the sex=mortal sin concept because I made a conscious effort not to represent it to him that way. My mother may have given me the “dirty duty” speech, but I didn’t pass that along, except for comedic effect, when he was much, much older.

The more a parent makes a “forbidden fruit” sound absolutely vile and horrible, the more likely the offspring are to run right out and try it to see if it’s as horrible as Mom and Dad contend. As much as possible, I tried to give him the rational approach to life, as in yes, sex is good, but with certain boundaries. Such as “try not to bang ex-strippers,” “wrap that rascal,” and “avoid venereal diseases.”

So where did they get it? The dance hall?

There is good reason for caution in the pursuit of all things amorous. The 1980s taught us that the anti-sex crowd had a point: sex with the wrong partner can kill you.

I guess once they give you AIDS, retribution is sort of pointless.

For centuries humanity has known the fear and shame of venereal diseases, and the possibility of a lifetime of pain or even an untimely death for a moment of pleasure are quite real.

Even given the potential risks involved with sexual congress, I don’t think I can agree with the lights-out missionary-position sex-for-procreation-only crowd. I do believe in caution in guarding one’s body as well as one’s heart and spirit, but not in total denial.

There is a certain distasteful and soul-killing element in the “friends with benefits” mentality, just as there is a distasteful and soul-killing element in the outright rejection of something that is a gift and a blessing in the proper context.

When the person and the moment is right, surrender to that universe of two. Savor, enjoy, revel, and live, and thank God for that rare opportunity.

It’s eternity in there.

Fascinatingly Horrible, a Painful and Awe-Inspiring Truth, and a Silent Witness

May 21, 2015Tonya Lanthron Leave a comment

I’ve often wondered when it comes to abandoned cars- why this particular dying place?

I find entropy fascinatingly horrible. Part of me doesn’t want to watch the process of death, decomposition and/or decay, but at times I am almost compelled to do so, because there’s also a strange and captivating beauty in it.

Perhaps my fascination with old and decomposing things lies in the knowledge that somewhere, in a better time, those things were once new and whole.

I could get lost in a place like this. Intentionally.

I don’t like what this world has turned into, at least culturally, and the turning began years-decades, actually- before I was born. Not all change is bad of course, but the moral and cultural disintegration of society is definitely a negative change as far as I’m concerned. I’ve said it before: Orwell’s 1984 was meant to serve as a warning, not an instruction manual. I think Orwell would be spinning in his grave if he could see just how eerily true his observations have become.

All the freaking time. Just look up at all the traffic cameras.

I do appreciate many technological advancements- in fact I would probably been long dead without a fair number of mid-20th century medical advances. Most likely I’d never lived beyond infancy, for good or for ill. And being the third (unwanted female to boot) of three, they’d probably never even bothered spending the scratch on the post mortem pic.

Once you’ve had three kids, don’t they all sort of look alike?

Anyone old enough to have ever had to mess with a broken cassette tape or who has been stranded miles away from a phone gets what I’m saying about technology. If we could have the technology without the dumb shit, and without the social and moral atrophy that seems to come along with it, perhaps utopia could be achieved!

I am not nearly that naïve. (Back to Orwell and Animal Farm and the time honored truth that some pigs are more equal than others.)

Of course, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect world. In fact, I honestly believe in the devolution of humanity.

If only people knew… the VW “Thing” was a thinly disguised Kübelwagen.

And the whole Volkswagen concept was brewed up by Adolf Hitler.

I’ve commented many times on the strange beauty of abandoned machinery, and also of the concept that there might really be literal deus ex machina or real “gods in the machines.”

I can only imagine the silent witness written in cold, dead steel, and what does it have to say?

Sort of like a post mortem for an old, old VW Transporter.

The reality of the Transporters was (and is) that these are pretty much only meant to be owned and operated by technicians capable of repairing them.

More Central Ohio White Death, More Funky Victorian Pics, and Other Odds and Ends

February 7, 2014Tonya Lanthron Leave a comment

I’m still trying to figure out this Rube Goldberg device.

This contraption, which I think is some kind of spinal correction device (?) could also have afforded some tactical advantage when other kids are chasing you down to kick your ass. I can see where it could be a sort of almost skateboard without the board. I love Victorian ingenuity. Strange thing is that even in the early 1980’s (and I’m not sure whether or not this is still being done in schools) all the girls had to get checked for scoliosis in 7th and 8th grade.

The scoliosis check was not what I’d call a good time. All the 7th and 8th grade girls were herded into the gym, (wearing those hideous gym suits, or in my case, since I had a Doctor’s Note permanently freeing me from gym class, a t-shirt and shorts) lined up in alphabetical order, then we either had to unzip the gym suit or pull up our t-shirt and let (supposedly) a nurse trace our spines with her finger and verify that our spines were straight.

If you were found to have scoliosis (a couple of girls did have it) then you were sent to an orthopedist who would fit you with a full torso brace with metal stays and tie up straps that you had to wear 24/7 for two or three years unless you wanted to become a hideously deformed hunchback.

Imagine having to wear this continuously – all through high summer. Oh, the stink!

I’m glad my spine stayed straight.

This is one of the snow piles outside of Target. It’s 5°.

But, as always, they set up the swimsuit racks the week after New Year’s!

The City of Columbus, I must say has been doing an abysmal job in clearing the snow. ODOT got the freeways cleared right away, but the major through roads that are the city’s responsibility, by and large haven’t been touched. I have to wonder what the hell they’re doing with all that income tax money, since the state and the surrounding localities are seeming to cope pretty well with snow removal. I know that corruption and graft and union thuggery run amok in Mayor Coleman’s hizzy. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for emergency money from his homeboy Obama to clear out Downtown.

It didn’t used to be that way, and it’s sad. The illustrious Mayor-for-Life Coleman has ran the police department into the ground, presided over (and approved of) the corruption and vice and absolute lack of accountability in the schools, and now the city can’t seem to get the crews out to clear the freaking snow. Coleman will keep on getting re-elected though, because a.) there’s no term limit, and b.) he kisses up to the gimme crowd. While everyone (me included) who can moves to the freaking suburbs because of the uncontrolled druggies and rampant crime-but if you work in the city limits (I do) you still have to pay income tax so this gimme-appeaser and cronies can keep on subsidizing the gimme crowd. The worst thing about living in the suburbs is that I can’t vote against this shyster when he runs for (and gets elected) mayor again.

So much for the Things-I-Can’t-Change.

I have been somewhat remiss as of late in not posting more of those postmortems that people just can’t help gawking at. It’s bad that I am so bored that I’m trolling postmortems again, but it is February. What else am I supposed to do? February always makes me think about death. Maybe it’s because I have to go to the BMV to get my car registration, and that’s always depressing.

The only way I’d ever been that close to either of my sisters, voluntarily, is if I’d been dead– which I think these two are.

Generally, if either of my sisters had been that close to me when I was a little kid, it was because they had me in a headlock, pounding me with whatever sort of pointy or heavy object that was handy.

I am surprised that I actually survived childhood with only minor scarring and disfigurement. The psychological damage- well, the Prozac does help.

Gam-Gam died in 1890, but those eyes are still watching you!

I know it’s morbid, but I think the postmortem pics are a forerunner of the Open Casket Funeral, which I find most distasteful in almost every instance. I can’t get the images of my grandmothers in their coffins with badly done makeup, in those awful pink nighties out of my head, let alone the image of Aunt Ellen (the non-makeup wearing Pentecostal) slathered down with day-glo orange lipstick and all dolled up as if she were headed for the Oompa-Loompa Prom.

I told Steve-o to cremate me when I die, but knowing him (and I’ve said this before) he will have me taxidermied and made into a coffee table.

“Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide”- Pink Floyd, “High Hopes”

Perhaps it is true that one can never really go back home again, but in another sense it’s also true that one can never really leave. It’s amazing how our society forgets the past so quickly, and repeats its mistakes so readily. Memory, if anything, should serve as both a harbinger and a teacher.

I think we do ourselves a disservice when we neglect the study of history. It may not be a good idea to continually live in the past, and I have to guard against this, but to deliberately seek a sort of live-in-the-now amnesia isn’t very healthy either.

I’ve learned to be careful which bridges to burn and which ones to leave standing, although I can’t say I’ve mastered the art of moving forward, or of knowing which pieces of the past are worth holding on to, and which pieces are things I need to let go.

I’ll have to remember to check the empty seats in my car for Hitler before I go.

I think I’d be hella nervous if I were approached by a giant talking frog. But I’m paranoid like that.

I Don’t Seek Approval, Party Like It’s 1899, and Things that Don’t Suck

January 3, 2013Tonya Lanthron 3 Comments

I usually don’t succumb to the lure of corny party kitsch, but the light up necklace was cute.

I’ve said before I don’t deal much in the currency of optimism, so I don’t see this year being much of an improvement over last. In fact, I started today out rather depressed. Today’s been one of those days where I’m actually trolling for things to cheer me up a bit. I’m actively fighting against the urge to just concede to the Dark Funk and give up. I guess the fact that I’m fighting the temptation to just give into hopelessness is either a good sign, or it’s just an unwillingness to face the reality that my life is pretty much hopeless.

The best way to give myself a reality check, I’ve discovered is to make three lists- Things that Suck that I Can’t Change, Things that Suck that I Can Change, and Things that Don’t Suck.

Things that Suck that I Can’t Change:

Obama. ‘Nuff said.

Personal poverty/ not being financially independent

Being stuck in Ohio, especially in the winter

Health issues* (can mitigate but not eliminate- bad heredity and effects from past diseases/injuries suck)

Jerry – especially when he gets into his “bitch about everything and blame everything on me” mode

Things that Suck that I Can (*theoretically anyway) Change

My own reaction to things that suck

My neglect of friends that I should make an effort to see and communicate with more often

I already turn off the “mainstream” TV news (can’t handle the constant Obama worship) and I already avoid following garbage on TV such as anything Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians are doing. Admittedly I probably get into true crime shows (TruTV, Discovery ID, etc.) and the Military Channel way too much. I should probably cut down on “World’s Dumbest” and “1000 Ways to Die” and get back into reading a lot more than I do now (although I read a lot by any standard) and maybe get into something a bit more uplifting than unsolved murders, people earning their Darwin Awards, and 20th century history. I mean, how much is left unturned regarding WWII and Adolf Hitler?

Things that Don’t Suck

God

The dogs and cats

The vacuum cleaner when it gets clogged up with Tipsy McNumbNuts’ cigarette pack cellophanes (the irony of which is that it sucks when the vacuum cleaner doesn’t…)

There is no vacuum cleaner made that I don’t have to unclog, tear apart and otherwise rework every time I use the damned thing.

Somehow the deer in the headlights look is a little too typical for me.

Now that I’ve determined that God and the dogs and cats don’t suck, then it should probably follow that I should spend my time in the company of Entities that Don’t Suck as much as I can.

Since for now I do appear to be vertical and sucking up valuable oxygen, let’s be creative and try to enjoy it!

I rather enjoy Victorian ephemera- especially patent medicines and other creepy stuff from that era. I’m surprised anyone survived being treated with the stuff they used as medicine back then, since most of it included either alcohol or opium or various poisons like arsenic, but even today there’s some pretty questionable stuff being used as medicine.

Imagine the same scenario today, only the rednecks have chainsaws, and the little girl has a bottle of moonshine.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

That’s actually one of the few French phrases I remember from high school French class (Why in the hell did I take French? Did I think I was going to be deported to Quebec?) and it means, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” Yes, they do, and not always in a good way.

I didn’t think Harry Potter had to worry about VD. Or was that “mugworts?” That sounds like VD anyway. Something like that.

I’m thinking “Bad Hump” would be a better name for a VD cure-all. “Take this stuff for last week’s bad hump.” Or you could just leave it to Dr. Butts:

I want to be cured via the US Postal Service. By Dr. Butts. Yeah.

It’s really kind of scary considering that there really were no cures for VD in Victorian times, and if you got the syph or the clap it could kill you. Sort of like AIDS today, and heaven only knows whatever other deadly STDs are lurking out there that nobody knows about yet. Forced chastity might bite in a lot of ways, but I’m old enough to know that 1.) no man is worth a deadly disease, and 2.) there are such things as “meat substitutes” if you get my drift. The advantage of the “meat substitute” is you don’t have to fix it dinner or unclog its cigarette pack cellophanes from the vacuum cleaner. I only wish I’d figured that out 20 years ago. Just don’t run out of batteries.

Piles: Old time word for “hemorrhoid” – just an FYI

Why is it that back in the day being German cast some sort of legitimacy upon medical quackery? And I find it hard to believe that a medical doctor would spend most of his life on a hemorrhoid cure, but then everyone needs a purpose. I’ve still not figured out exactly why I’m still sucking up valuable oxygen, so I’m the last one to talk.

The 20th century wasn’t much better, but at least you could get a good night’s rest, forget about your hemorrhoids AND forget about your pathetic lack of self-esteem!

Stop Misanglody, Jezebel’s First Road Trip, and Lilo’s Butt Funk

December 12, 2012Tonya Lanthron 1 Comment

Back in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s there were a lot of Americans who weren’t terribly fond of the Irish.

Misanglody (N): 1.)The condition of loathing all things white, Anglo-Saxon and/or Protestant. 2.) A rather pervasive and pernicious form of racism prevalent in the United States, generally ignored when directed against traditional white conservatives. 3.) Cracka-hating.

Granted, a lot of the fear generated in the late 19th and early 20th centuries regarding immigration to the U.S. had more to do with religion than country of origin. Many people in this country were afraid of Catholics (because of their belief in the primacy of the pope and the fact that the Mass was said in Latin rather than in English) and were afraid the Catholics would take over. This sounds sort of crazy today but before Vatican II, Catholics referred to other Christians (i.e. Protestants and Orthodox) as “heathens.” Today Catholics have a more beneficent term for Protestants and Orthodox: “separated brethren.”

That’s a little nicer, but as someone who was raised in Catholicism, I will tell you that the Catholics still teach that their goal on this earth is to convert others (including Protestants and Orthodox) to Catholicism. If you’re a Protestant or Orthodox, according to Catholics, you might be Christian, but you don’t have the Faith in its completeness. Catholic theology is an interesting study- and as a confessional Lutheran I am not too far removed from it, but I don’t subscribe to it 100% either. I got lost on the pope thing as well I got lost on the prayers to dead people thing. To each his or her own, and I know a lot of Catholics that live good Christian lives, but I can’t consider myself to be a Catholic because I don’t subscribe to Catholicism 100%. That’s one of the Catholic Rules, that you agree 100% with their rules. Which makes me a Protestant by definition. Just sayin’.

This was some of the same stuff Martin Luther had problems with 500 years ago. I’m not saying all Catholics are party to the corruption, or that Protestants are scandal-free, but it’s still there. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

Today most Americans aren’t particularly wicky about either Irish people (though I know a few people who aren’t really fond of Bono) or Catholics, which is a good thing. I don’t have a problem with Catholics other than I don’t entirely agree with them, and as far as Irish people go I can’t say much, because a good number of my ancestors are English and Scots- just different parts of the same island.

Anyway, the point is that racism (as well as the myth that freedom of religion means freedom from religion) in this country should be a thing of the past. It’s not, and it shouldn’t be, acceptable to use the “n” word or other racially derisive terms in public discourse. But it seems to be perfectly OK to lampoon the “Cracka Nation” with impunity, and when white people say anything about it they get responses such as,

“White people don’t understand racism,” or worse, “You can’t be racist against whites.” Really?

I beg to differ, and hence, I bring to light the phenomenon of misanglody.

The popular culture is full of examples of the bumbling, inept WASP male and/or the ditzy WalMart queen WASP female. Even in advertising, take notice how often the fall guy is a white guy. To someone who only sees American culture from what they watch on TV, they might leave with the misconception that all white guys are Larry the Cable Guy (no offense to Larry the Cable Guy, but not all white men cut the sleeves off their shirts) and all white women are just like Honey Boo Boo’s mother.

I have body hair issues but even I don’t have five o’clock shadow like that. Nor do I have three chins.

I do admit there are aspects of white culture that deserve the derision they get. One is British cuisine. Haggis and kidney pie do NOT sound appetizing in any remote fashion. My ancestors may be Scots, but I can’t bring myself to eat mutton in any form. The dogs eat mutton because that’s what’s in their dog food, but dogs lick their own butts and eat cat shit any time they get the opportunity to do so. Just because the dogs eat something doesn’t mean it’s edible for humans. I really don’t get the idea behind eating kidneys either. I do eat sushi, (on the rare occasion I can afford good sushi) which might not make too much sense, but I just can’t get beyond the gross factor on haggis or kidneys. Head cheese is another one I can’t get. The fun fact about head cheese is that it is not cheese at all.

Do you eat the stomach “casing” too? Ewwwwwww!

So called “white supremacists” deserve the derision they get as well. Hitler is not a role model. Obama is not white, but he also is not a role model for the same reason. Both Hitler and Obama are racists, just against different groups. Anyone who goes around spouting hate against other races and nationalities- as opposed to pointing out faulty ideology or bad public policy- deserves to be called out for it. I don’t believe white people are any better than anyone else, but I don’t believe we’re any worse either, unless you are taking into account that most of us can’t dance.

I couldn’t dance even when I could drink.

On another note, Miss Jezebel went on her first road trip yesterday. I decided since I had to take Lilo to the vet yesterday to get meds for her re-occuring butt funk (seborrhagic dermatitis) that I would take Jezebel as well because she’s had a slight but lingering bit of the eye crusties and some sneezing. So Miss Jezebel rode up to the vet’s tucked into my hoodie. At least I have a closer estimate on her age (12-14 weeks) and have verified her gender. Jezebel is definitely a girl. She didn’t seem to mind the road trip at all, and was most compliant even getting eye ointment (most cats loathe this) and taking liquid Amoxicillin. Usually I really hate giving cats either eye drops or liquids by mouth, because they normally hate it and it’s a good way to get scratched and/or bitten. She has gotten through two doses of each without much fuss. Let’s hope it’s that easy for the rest of the 10 days.

So far, I can even give her meds without resorting to welding gloves again.

Lilo is the easiest creature on the planet to medicate. She will even take Keflex without protest (getting it down Clara was an adventure, and yes, it does taste nasty) as long as it’s included in a bite of cottage cheese. The combo of Keflex and Prednisone will clear up her butt funk, but I feel for her. She does great with oral meds but isn’t so cool with the bath part of the treatment. Baths were not suggested for Jezebel, which is quite fine with me.

Most of the time Lilo is mellow. Except when her butt itches.

Satire is Not a New Art Form, Anti-Smoking, and More Victorian Death Ephemera

July 17, 2012Tonya Lanthron 2 Comments

This is as good as anti-smoking propaganda gets- from 1870, no less.

Smoking was just as nasty then, it’s just everyone died from other stuff before they could live long enough for smoking to kill ’em.

The longer I’ve been an ex-smoker I absolutely hate the smell of tobacco smoke. I don’t have much of a sense of smell, and I’m surprised I have that. Even so, the one thing I can always smell is cig smoke, even from far-off, which sucks. Why can’t I smell peonies and lilacs in May, but I can always smell some inconsiderate bastard’s cigarette?

Perhaps it is cosmic payback for back in the day when I used to smoke at my desk- and it was perfectly cool to be inside, at work and hot-boxing smokes at the same time. I’m sure I had to annoy someone with my two-pack-a-day habit of hot boxing 120 menthols down to the filters. My car ended up smelling like a dragon’s colon- because the first thing I would do when I got in the car was light up. The first thing I did when I quit smoking was pay the detail guys- dearly- to get the cig smell out of my Celica. It was nasty, and the inside of the glass on a 2000 Celica is not the easiest in the world to get clean- especially the back glass.

She just might be Hitler in drag, spreading the clap. You never know. Had to throw that in there. Public service announcement from 1943.

Yes, I am still fascinated with Victorian death art which is macabre, and I should find another hobby, but there is so much cool stuff out there – and not always dealing with the subject of death- which is public domain and is a lot better artwork than I could ever come up with. I can scribble with Sharpies and that’s about it. But the Victorians not only did some awesome artwork, there was some pathos there. It was more grandiose than it should have been, and just plain treacly sweet, which made it cool.

You could get in trouble big time for displaying this in a public school. You could offend the Muslims, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, the militant atheists, the Hare Krishnas, and who knows who else.

The irony here is that kids can go to public school and have this kind of drivel shoved in their faces and that’s perfectly okee-dokie:

As long as it’s not “Christian” or “Moral” in any kind of way, then we tolerate it, kids!

Then again, “tolerance” (especially as it’s defined in regard to political correctness and its associated idiocy) is the wrong word. Tolerating something doesn’t mean we like it, and it doesn’t mean we encourage it. I used to tolerate long-assed car rides in 70’s era cars (with no A/C, mind you) pinned in the center of the back seat between two sadistic siblings for hundreds of miles. I didn’t like it. I certainly didn’t encourage it. But, being too weak to end up with any other position besides squashed in the middle, I had to tolerate it.

Tolerance- as it’s framed today- is actually appeasement, which is a very different concept. Appeasement is the wussy position. It’s the equivalent of feeding alligators. No matter how much you feed the alligator he will always be hungry. Just see how well it worked for Neville Chamberlain. My oldest sister didn’t stop harassing me and stealing my stuff and kicking my ass just because I sat back and let her keep doing it. She just did it all the more, until one fine day, she took my car without permission and ran it out of gasoline and ran it low on oil. I saw red, and took 17 years of retribution out on her in five minutes. I don’t approve of physical violence, but something had to give somewhere, and I couldn’t keep on appeasing her any more. Appeasement just let her know it was OK to keep on kicking my ass and stealing my stuff. Kicking her ass taught her that it wasn’t OK anymore.

I bet Hitler got a lot of rides back in the day, at least in a figurative way. Carpooling still is a creepy thought though. It would be my luck I’d end up with a serial killer or someone who insists on cranking up the country music. At least Hitler liked opera.

Hitler wasn’t a role model by any means, but he did have a taste for Wagnerian opera, and I can appreciate that. I can’t say I approve of Nazism, genocide, or anti-Semitism, but Wagner did write some cool operas. The only thing difficult about opera is that there aren’t too many operas written in English. If you plan on going to an opera, or even plan on listening to a recording or watching a DVD, if you can get your mitts on a translation of the libretto first it makes a lot more sense.

I found a Victorian death card (these are common, and I will need to troll for some more good ones) that lent itself quite well to shall we say, electronic embellishment:

Should our current president fail to be re-elected, I’ll be printing these out and passing them out like party favors.

Protect Your Unit, A Midsummer’s Nostalgic Musing, and Radioactive Waste!

July 11, 2012Tonya Lanthron 2 Comments

Yes, the world is this effed up. Have the welders come out and weld your AC unit to something- like brackets encased in concrete- to prevent it from being stolen. Air-conditioners get stolen around here for two reasons: 1. (summer) people are hot, and 2. (winter) they contain copper.

I enjoy this sign, even though the thought of anything happening to my AC unit would provoke me to acts of extreme violence. I am glad my AC is in a place in which it is bolted to its base, and you would necessarily encounter dogs to get to it. The girls do not approve of interlopers. Even though I don’t even want to think of some stupid ass ripping off my AC, I still love the double entendre. At first, until I saw the line that said “Stop Air Conditioner Theft,” I thought it was another entreaty from the county health department to encourage the sexually promiscuous to take steps to prevent the spread of venereal diseases.

Yeah, I think even if there were such a thing as Facebook in the 1930’s, you wouldn’t want these test results broadcast on your profile.

I mean, even if your test results indicate you’re syphilis-free, broadcasting that would indicate that you’ve recently put yourself in a position to contract all the other STDs. What about the STDs that might not show up on a test? Or maybe you’ve caught a strange new funky one that is currently unknown to medical science?

This is sort of a Nancy Reagan campaign for preventing VD: Just Say NO!!!!! Especially when you don’t know where she/he/it’s been. Hell, that chick could be a dude- and vice versa.

That actually happened to one of Jerry’s friends. Granted, this guy is the kind of guy who would look better if he shaved his ass and walked backwards, and he has a taste for hanging out in titty bars and swilling rotgut liquor. He was asking for waking up next to something so hideous he’d want to gnaw off his own arm to escape, so such a scenario was just waiting to happen. Even the biological females this guy dated were, shall we say, the kind of girls Freddie Mercury would sing about. He didn’t realize he’d spent the night with a she-male until the next morning. I wonder what the tip off was. Maybe he went to cop a feel and ended up with a fistful of morning wood. Or maybe “she” was taking a whiz standing up. That might have been his sign.

I guess it depends on your perspective.

I don’t have a problem with the transgendered. If you’re a guy and you want to go through life dressed like Joan Crawford, or Oprah, or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, I could really care less. That’s got to be a really confusing way to go through life, though I will say in defense of trannies, women’s clothes are a lot more interesting.

Tell me RuPaul’s outfit isn’t more festive than a wifebeater t-shirt, distressed jeans, tube socks and Velcro tennis shoes!

Men also have it easier with hair removal. They can pull off the unibrow look, or even a ZZ Top beard, so in theory men don’t have to fart about with hair removal at all. Women, on the other hand, if they are civilized, the only hair permitted to remain is the hair that grows from the scalp, a finely sculptured eyebrow, and eyelashes. The rest of that nasty body hair has to go, at least in my world. Women should not be hairy. Unless they’re Italian. Or bull-dyke lesbians.

Men’s restrooms are a lot less crowded though, and all a guy really has to do in the morning is his 3 esses- shit, shower and shave, though I would fit some dental hygiene of some sort in there.

Dudes, you are lucky in one regard. You can whip out your wang and let it fly anywhere (though I would not recommend the electric fence.) Women can’t do that, unless they like pissing all over their own pants.

I just thought I was riding along listening to Journey, Foreigner, Metallica, Billy Squier, REM, etc. I had no idea. I’ll need to check the car for Hitler before I leave.

Grandma avoided the carpool thing like the plague. She worked at the ordnance factory during the war and it was several miles from where she lived. She managed to get by on her gasoline ration by buying a motorcycle. Since 1940’s cars got maybe- if you were lucky- 12 miles to the gallon, a motorcycle, even those nasty old Harley-Davidsons, would have been more fuel efficient. There wasn’t any room on the back for Hitler, either.

I bet this ride was cold as hell in winter, but Grandma was thrifty, and I’m sure she didn’t want to ride to work with Hitler either.

Grandma never did disclose what she did at the ordnance factory. All she said about it was that they weren’t to discuss what they were doing there with anyone, ever. She had the fear even 60 years later- when all the powers that were are long dead-and she took that knowledge to her grave. I do know that whatever it is she did she was paid well for it, (the workers earned up to $50 per day, depending on where they were assigned, which was equivalent to $623.34 in today’s money) and she received a small pension from the US Army every month until she died. I have to wonder if it was hush money, but she wasn’t telling. The rumor mill- and at least one local author- says that the Scioto Ordnance Plant was involved with the Manhattan Project and with other experimentation with atomic energy. It wouldn’t surprise me because the location was so remote, and at that time only easily accessed by rail.

The creepy part about the ordnance factory is that the county bought part of the land back- and built a school on it. The school got closed down when the kids started getting leukemia and all other weird sorts of cancer. People got paranoid and called in the EPA and they did find all sorts of fun chemicals including radioactive waste, on the school grounds.

Guess what, kids? School is kind of cancelled today. Betcha didn’t know it, but now we have something in common with Chernobyl. We glow in the dark too!

Maybe it is better for me that I went to school with the poor kids in town, even though I got to have the Inner City Behemoth High School Experience without having to end up in Cleveland. The high school I went to was built over an Indian graveyard, and my parents’ house (shit, the entire east side of Marion) is built on a poorly drained swamp, but as far as I know neither place was built on top of radioactive waste.

Another one of those things to be thankful for. I didn’t have to go to the cancer school. I went to the random stabbing and beating school. It works out.

ELYSIANHUNTER, ALWAYS INCITEFUL:

Because comedy is the flipside of tragedy

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