Wading My Way Through Boredom, Apathy and Stygian Heat

Maybe apathy is the wrong word.  I do care, but only about certain things.  Staying remotely cooled off is one of those things, and I had a hard enough time with that over the winter.  I don’t know what I am going to do when summer brings 90+ degree days for days at a time.  Obviously staying in the A/C is a must already. 

A bit of perspective here though.  I might have had better temperature regulation this time last year, but compared to Aunt Flo and her curse a few hot flashes are really no big deal.   Breaking my arm was like getting a mosquito bite compared to suffering through the curse-  it was that bad- especially in the few months before my surgery.  Even if I had to sit in the freezer (and I have contemplated it) to stop sweating for a moment,  dealing with the heat  is better than dealing with everything associated with Aunt Flo and her agonies.  Menopause doesn’t last forever but I wish it would hurry up and get over with, at least the hot flash part of it.

I’ve never been the outdoors type.  I appreciate the beauty of nature, I really do, but heat, bugs, dirt and all that sort of spoil the mystique for me.  I love swimming- but since I scorch something wicked in the sun, sometimes even in spite of the Factor 50, and I detest unauthorized insect life, I’ve always preferred an indoor pool even when weather conditions allow outdoor swimming.  If I go to an indoor pool I don’t have to worry about third degree burns on my face and shoulders nor do I have to worry about swarming insects that manage to end up in the pool water with me.  When I was a little kid I had a pathological fear of flying insects (probably because my sisters liked to throw live stinging insects in my hair for shits and giggles) that I have not fully recovered from.  I hate bees and wasps and any other potentially dangerous flying insects.  I don’t like anyone or anything touching my hair at all.  It takes a lot of restraint to let someone cut my hair.  I hate the thought of anything sticking in my hair especially if it is a live insect, a booger, or anything other than hair.  I had way too much gross stuff land in my hair when I was a child apparently. It didn’t help that I had thick, straight, long hair that went past my butt for several years, then I had spiral-permed big hair after that.  I like having my hair nice and short like it is now as there is less surface area for unauthorized gross things to land in.

My idea of camping is  have at least an RV with an air conditioner, flush toilet, shower and kitchen.  I had enough of primitive camping in Girl Scouts when you had to sleep in tents and use latrines that were infested with spiders and Lord only knows what other foul critters.   I had nightmares about getting bitten on the butt by a snake or something trying to use one of those nasty latrines.  That would be my luck, although I was smarter than the girl that ended up in the hospital because she wiped with poison ivy.  Rumor had it she had to have a catheter in for a week just so she could pee.  The Girl Scouts teach you, “leaves of three, let them be,” for a reason.   I never liked the idea of substituting leaves for toilet paper to begin with.  If I must drop and squat outside I will consider myself fortunate if I keep from peeing all over my pants and I really won’t worry so much about drip-drying for a moment or two, or getting a drop or two in the pants.  Guys should be thankful they can do trucker bombs from the privacy of their own driver’s seat.   I hate to break it to the unenlightened, but that yellow stuff you see in that soda bottle along the freeway is most certainly NOT Mountain Dew.  Unless of course the Mountain Dew is used.

Poison ivy is yet another reason for me to avoid the great outdoors.  I have found that if you know you’ve gotten into it and you wash immediately with dish soap (dish soap is primarily a degreaser) that it will take the oil that causes the allergic reaction off your skin and you won’t break out.  I don’t like taking chances with it though, because when I get it, I get it wicked bad and usually end up having to get a shot to get rid of it which of course, sucks.

Proof that God Has a Sense of Humor, More Synchronicity in Action, and Deliver Me from Stupidity

I always wondered why little old men have hair growing out of their ears.   Apparently God must get a laugh to curse some old bald guy with plumes of waxy hair protruding from his ear holes.  It seems kind of normal that Dad has ear hair (he’s 64, and no he doesn’t care) but it’s creepy that Jerry does too.  Jerry really doesn’t like it when I tweeze it out with pliers, or with tweezers for that matter, but he is not sufficiently geezerly enough to justify sporting ear hair.  If he’s going to just let the ear hair grow he might as well go wandering about wearing those hideous old-man plaid Bermuda shorts (talk about clothes by Purina) that go up to his armpits, with black socks and sandals.   Yikes.

I am constantly reminded that humans too, are mammals, which explains why I have superfluous and undesirable hair sprouting out in all kinds of places that are awkward to shave and/or tweeze.  The hair removal battle is a constant war for me.  As we age everything seems to get bigger, hairier and closer to the ground, which is sad but true.  I know if I did not tweeze my eyebrows every other day or so I would have one voluminous and frightening unibrow that would overtake my forehead within a week.  I shudder to think what would happen should I neglect to shave my armpits and legs at least every other or every day as I generally do.  Within a month I could give Sasquatch a run for his money.  Yuk.

I’ve always thought human body hair to be rather gross, especially on a woman, and in many cases (such as ear hair and unibrows) gross on men too.  Hair is OK on one’s head,  on carefully sculpted eyebrows and lashes, and that’s pretty much it if you’re a woman.   I don’t mind dudes who have tasteful facial hair but that does not include wild eyebrows, unibrows, nose hair that just sort of grows into the moustache hair, or out of control beards.  There is nothing sexy about ZZ Top to me.  Clean shaven is much better for most guys.  I also find back hair to be revolting.  If I wanted back hair I’d have a dog.  (and I do have dogs… but) Dogs are supposed to be covered in hair.

This weekend was more relaxing than I had originally thought it would be.  Usually when Jerry is in Lancaster it is a lot quieter because then my only imperatives are cleaning and sleeping.  As hot as it was of course I had to limit my time outside but I did get some laundry and cleaning done. 

I know it sounds critical, but I can get so much more done when Jerry isn’t home demanding this or that.  Drop everything and do this or go here or get that…ad nauseam.  I’m one of those people who hates to be interrupted in the middle of something, especially when I am on my own time.  I don’t think he realizes what a drain he is on my stamina nor does he realize how demoralizing it is for me to constantly have to do things for him that big boys do for themselves.  What’s worse is that he can physically do things for himself but instead he chooses to harangue and threaten me into doing them for him.  It would be different if he were mentally deficient or crippled and couldn’t function for himself.   I know he is one of those people who wants to make a group project out of everything,  but far too often his idea of a group project is to make a mess and then watch me clean it up. 

I know I shouldn’t enable his infantile behavior but there comes a point where it is easier to just do it and get it over with.  Which battles are worth fighting?

Theoretically I know that appeasement is simply feeding alligators- it may buy a moment of time but the alligator is always going to want more. 

Anyway, on a lighter note, I have to say I am thankful for a lot of things today.  I am thankful that jellyfish can’t fly for instance.

I am also thankful that I am not the owner of this boat:

Intelligence is a constant, the population is growing.  At least I remembered to get my butt to Sally’s for more fiberglass wraps, and to get some more TP and paper towels before we ran out.  It is a sorry thing to be out of paper towels especially considering the dogs had Montezuma’s Revenge over the weekend and I ended up giving the rug cleaner a workout twice.  If only they would have the shits on the linoleum it would be so much easier to clean.  I think they do it on the carpet because they can’t get their footing to squat as well on the linoleum, but that’s just my theory.  It’s sad the things my mind will actually bother to ruminate on these days.

Forced vs. Voluntary Collectivism, Sometimes I’m Surprised In a Good Way

There is a huge difference between opposing someone based solely on race or national origin, and opposing someone’s flawed ideology.  I really, really don’t care about a person’s race or ethnicity, or sexual preference or any of that crud, as long as people don’t use race or ethnicity or sexual preference to gain some sort of preferential status for themselves.  I may disagree with certain lifestyles and don’t think certain choices should be encouraged, but if that is the person’s preference so be it.   Just don’t try to shove such deviations down my throat as being “normal,” or worse, “protected.” 

I care about people’s character and integrity.  This being said, I believe there is nothing wrong with people working together to help each other and the greater society.  In the Book of Acts, Christian believers formed a collective community that appeared to work rather well.  Some people use this early Christian community as an argument for “Christian socialism,” but they miss an important point.  The community spoken of in the Book of Acts was a voluntary collective community.  No one was going around requiring the working poor who can barely  provide from themselves to starve and do without basic necessities so that those unwilling to work would have luxuries provided for.  No one was throwing people in jail if they chose not to contribute. There was nothing mandatory or punitive about the collective system of the Acts believers.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”  Acts 2:42-47 (NIV) (italics and bold mine)

Yes, the believers sold their possessions and shared their goods, but their charity toward others was in response to what God was doing in and through them.  God is good, God provides, therefore let’s share and celebrate and likewise care for each other. No one was levying higher and higher taxes from them, taking from those who do not have enough for their own needs,  or taking their possessions and goods by force.  People chose to give and contribute to the common good- as they were praying and praising and loving God.  This is the part that the forced collectivisms of history deny and leave out, which is why forced collective systems always fail.  They leave God out of the equation.  The only way that collectivism works is when the sharing of resources is  done in response to the goodness and love  of God.

This being said, the Constitution does not provide for the reverse Robin Hood system that is currently operating in this country today.   The role of the Federal government was supposed to be limited to a very few things.  The broad aims for the role of the Federal government are stated in the Preamble to the Constitution: 

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,  promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

“Welfare” used in this context does not refer to a monthly government check, by the way.  It means “common good” or “greater well-being.”  Just thought I should clarify that. 

Article 1, Section 8, of the US Constitution pretty much sets forth the specific limited role of the Federal government:

“The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;

To borrow money on the credit of the United States;

To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes;

To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States;

To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures;

To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States;

To establish Post Offices and Post Roads;

To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries;

To constitute Tribunals inferior to the supreme Court;

To define and punish Piracies and Felonies committed on the high Seas, and Offenses against the Law of Nations;

To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;

To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years;

To provide and maintain a Navy;

To make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces;

To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions;

To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;

To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings; And

To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.”

Pretty much everything else was supposed to be left to the states.

Anyone with any sense of justice should be outraged that a working person can’t afford utilities or food or medical care because they are taxed to death and billed outrageously for insurances with outrageously high deductibles -while those tax dollars being extorted from them are used to pay for illegal aliens, welfare bums and other scum who are unwilling to work but who get all of the above for free.  

Sometimes I’m surprised in a good way- I see that some people are finally reading the Constitution for the first time and realizing that the Federal government is not supposed to be a reverse Robin Hood- stealing from the working poor to give to their own fat pockets and to the entitlement crowd that sucks off that teat.

Beezelbub Has Been Identified! (Hiding in Plain Sight)

Ok, I am usually not into such puerile mockery, but I couldn’t resist the creative use of the “Paint” program on this one.  Does he ever shut up?  Wah-wah, Obama’s pet- Arlen Specter- didn’t make it past the primary.  Good. If only other people could see what I see… but (insert flicker of optimism here) perhaps they are.  I have always believed Obama is n0t just wrong, but evil.   His aim is to destroy this country from within and to fulfill Nikita Khrushchev’s  ominous prophecy on the future of America.  For those who don’t remember 20th century history, it was Khrushchev who said of the (now defunct may I add,) USSR to the US:  “We will bury you.”  Khrushchev and his once supremely powerful USSR are the ones who are dead and buried, and Obama has no business digging up those skeletons and continuing the failed socialist/communist strategies to destroy this country from within.  Once upon a time, going along with the commies and their ideology was called “treason.”  Obama’s bad habit of sucking up to leaders of terrorist harboring countries, and that boot-licking apologizing for America BS smack of treason as well.

Obama is not stupid, though he should have learned that forced collectivism has failed every time it has been tried.  His flawed ideology and his willingness to use any means at his disposal, be they honest or ethical or not, are what make him both dangerous and evil.   He has too shady and nebulous a past to be legitimate,  and he is doing so many downright spiteful and evil things now to have the best interests of this country at heart.  Maybe the recent primary surprises are sending a message- that the American people are sick and tired of Obama’s type of  “change.” 

Americans have never liked the idea of having a king- especially an arrogant one who imposes his “almighty” will on the people whether they like it or not.

Personally I would like to see Ted Nugent run for President.  Here’s a guy who would send a message to both the terrorist harboring countries and the handout crowds.   Rock on, Uncle Ted.

If being worth a shit were easy, everyone would be doing it, and if you observe the world around you, you will see that very few people are worth a shit.

The First Amendment Applies (Even to the Right Wing) and A Welcome Reprieve

Usually when passers-by give me feedback on the political commentary I display on my car, it is overwhelmingly positive.  In Delaware County especially I get a lot of friendly waves and thumbs-ups for my conservative viewpoint.  For anyone who hasn’t figured it out yet, politically I am slightly to the right of Reagan, and for good reason.  Today however, I got cussed out and flipped off, for the first time that any such dissenter has gotten my attention long enough for me to actually see the one-fingered salute.  Who knows, she may have put the African voodoo curse on me or something too the way she was screaming and cussing.  I couldn’t hear her over the stereo which is probably just as well.  I’ve been called everything other than a fine upstanding white woman before and one more time isn’t going to make much difference.  She was probably about my Mom’s age and should have shown her disagreement with me in a more civilized way, but when you fail to have a valid argument why not resort to name-calling and bird flipping?  I’m actually surprised, as often as I drive down Morse Rd.  and in other conservative-unfriendly areas that it doesn’t happen more often.  It makes me so sad that so many people have been deceived and taken in by Obama and his false hope and mindless blather.  Then again, regarding my political commentary, one would have to be able to read and comprehend the English language in order to protest it in the first place.  Maybe the prevalence of illiteracy, apathy and the proliferation of the  entitlement mentality explains it, which is a far deeper ailment than the Naked Emperor and his manipulating minions.  It’s a depressing thought.

I look at it this way.  The First Amendment applies to everyone, even those who dissent, and even those like me who would dare to peacefully protest the current evil regime.   So I will continue to exercise my First Amendment right to peacefully protest what I believe to be evil incarnate, whilst others may exercise their same First Amendment right to show their ignorance and/or stupidity.  I am somewhat proud of myself that I had the fortitude to refrain from returning the old bat’s one finger salute. 

If all goes well Bob is supposed to come home today which is really a surprise to me.  In the space of two or three days he has made remarkable improvement, which we all hope is a welcome reprieve for him.

Who are These Geezers and What Did They Do With My Friends?- Vindication Takes a Long Time

I don’t doubt that Reagan is spinning in his grave.  It is a different world- better in some ways, especially in the realm of technology- I can’t say I miss carburetors or cassette tapes for example, and who isn’t enamored of the Internet- but on the whole the world is different as in worse.  Our government is becoming a sick joke, most of my paycheck is eaten up between taxes and insurance, and every nut job on the planet seems to want special rights and handouts at my expense.  It pisses me off to no end.

Maybe if I claimed to be a militant lesbian, or if I were in this country illegally I might get somewhere.   I could even end up on the Supreme Court!   It seems that being a straight white native born woman just makes me responsible for paying for all the screwballs who think they’re special.  Some people think they deserve special rights just for being deviants and perverts- and yes, historically, homosexuality has always been deemed a deviance and a perversion.  Go ahead and live that lifestyle if it floats your boat,  but don’t expect the rest of us to give you preferential treatment for it.  I really don’t care what people do behind closed doors, nor do I really wish to know, but I don’t think there should be special prizes for those who fail to acknowledge that God created human beings male and female for a reason.

I also hold a great deal of contempt for those who want to claim that their ethnic heritage or national origin entitles them to special treatment.   Every ethnic group has suffered servitude at the hands of another group at one time or another.  Get the fark over it already. As long as you aren’t currently a slave, quit your bitching and do something useful with yourself.  Learning English, pulling up your pants, and acquiring marketable skills are three ways of making a good start.    Even though most public schools are abysmal, a person with a little motivation and common sense can actually get an education in spite of them.

Illegals should be deported- period.  Illegal means “against the law.”  When one violates the law there is a penalty.  Get in this country illegally and get deported, how hard is that?  No one from terrorist supporting countries should be allowed in the country for any reason.  People who do wish to immigrate to this country should be only those who a.) speak, comprehend and write English fluently, b.) have NO criminal record of any kind, c.) have marketable employment skills and d.) would not be eligible for any sort of public assistance programs.  Arizona has the right idea.

There is a place for legitimate, legal immigration to this country, but Slick Willie’s plan back in the 90’s of moving a bunch of Somalians who don’t speak English, have no job skills, and have a nice little terrorism and crime syndicate going on back home was really bad for Central Ohio.  Was he on crack?  Just ask our friends on the near east side of Columbus who are dealing with all the drive-bys and drug activity.  Moving the thugs out of Mogadishu to Columbus just brought that chaos and turmoil here.  Hello??

On a lighter note Steve-o finally got roped in to going to the Prom.  Ha-ha.  I will have to bribe Spencer to get me pics of him in dress clothes.  Some day he will look at those old pictures like I do and then look around and wonder who these geezers are and what did they do with my friends in the pictures?

I’ll have to go to Spencer’s graduation which I think is either at the end of this month or the beginning of next.  I feel sort of sorry for the kid but Dad has taken him under his wing.  It amazes me how many of Steve-o’s friends’ parents don’t give a rat’s ass about their kids.  But then a lot of my friends’ parents didn’t either.

The French have a saying: “Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose”- the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Spring Cleaning at the Dirty Movie Store, What Irony!

The Lions’ Den is a chain of  “adult superstores” (read: porn shops) in Central Ohio.  If you want skin mags, adult films, or sex toys, this is the WalMart of porn.  This is the Morse Rd. Lions’ Den that I drive past every day so I couldn’t help but notice the irony of the promotion.  Spring cleaning in the dirty book store seems almost counter intuitive when you’re peddling smut, although they really don’t sell too many books any more except for a handful of skin mags.  Today’s sex fiends are into DVDs and interactive toys- as well as the S&M stuff and the furry costumes.  Perversion has changed with the times.

One might ask how do I know what sort of wares can be had at the superstore of porn.  I’ve been in there- though it wasn’t the Lions’ Den on Morse Rd- I went in the one somewhere off of I-71 on the way back from Cincinnati.  Steve-o wanted to check it out.  All I need is for the guys at work to see my car in the Lions’ Den parking lot.  It’s hard to keep a straight face (great, I used the word “hard” while speaking of an excursion into the porn emporium) as you scan the items for sale.  I sort of liked the little ice cube tray that makes ice cubes shaped like a “twig and berries” so to speak.  I would almost have bought that just to see the look on Mom’s face when she realized there were miniature peckers floating about in her iced tea.  The only problem with that is she is such a prude she would probably have a coronary.

Americans have such an ambivalent view of anything that pertains to sex.  Personally I don’t see anything wrong with married couples using sex toys and the like if that’s what floats your boat.  Now the movies are a whole different deal- that stuff is nasty and let’s face it there’s something sophomoric and puerile about watching total strangers in bizarre sex acts.

I don’t think there is anything noble about being a prude, nor do I think there is anything particularly ennobling about being a pervert.  A balance, and a sense of humor about it is a good thing.

On the Dying of an Atheist, Synchronicity, and Where There’s Life, There’s Hope

Sometimes I wonder why I am surrounded by so many people who claim to be either agnostic (unconvinced that there is such a thing as God, but vaguely open to the idea should they be given sufficient proof) or flat out atheist. I know that some overzealous or downright false evangelists have turned many people away from the good news of Christ which is so very sad.  I don’t blame people for rejecting Christianity if all they see of it are the charlatans (Leroy Jenkins, Peter Popoff, and other prosperity preachers) and the crazy people.  I try not to be an obnoxious witness as there is a fine line between preaching God’s word and being taken as a holy roller.

I am a Christian (even though I am certainly not the best model of the Christian life- I have very far to go in the way of sanctification and my stubborn old nature fights it tooth and nail) and I have had life long struggles with theology and faith.  At one point in time I was almost agnostic in my views and behavior, at another I almost ended up joining a Southern Baptist church for their emphasis on Bible study but I was downright terrified by their eschatological views.  Knowing my luck the Rapture would happen and I would be taking a dump and be disqualified for partial nudity or I would be road raging and cussing someone out or doing some other sinful thing and because of that I would be Left Behind.   The Catholics more or less creeped me out with the praying to saints and endless worrying over whether or not I would die suddenly in a mortal sin.  Thankfully I ended up going to a Lutheran church in my teens- no praying to saints and no bizarre extrascriptural interpretations of the books of Daniel and/or Revelation.  I learned Christ alone, faith alone, Scripture alone- and those “Three Solas” are the basic foundation of my understanding of theology.  It’s Christ or nothing, as C.S. Lewis pointed out and Jesus Himself underscored in John 14:6.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Imagine growing up between a very observant old school Catholic mother and a born-again Bible believing Regular Baptist father and grandmother and it is a wonder I have any clue what to believe.  So I had to learn and discover – work out my salvation in fear and trembling like the apostle Paul spoke of – which, by the grace of God He enables me to do.   You can’t earn your way to Heaven and you can’t stand on your own good works which to me is good news- but what about the atheist or agnostic who has never come to the point that C.S. Lewis describes as realizing it’s Christ or nothing?  It’s the point where you take Jesus at His word, or you reject Him and substitute your own system.

I had to learn the hard way that my system didn’t work.  I was plagued with panic attacks. I was addicted to overwork. I was a binge drinker, a chain smoker, and I was not above sexual intrigues or just about anything else I could use to get my own way.  By the time I was 30 years old that lifestyle was killing me physically, emotionally and above all spiritually.  Either it was Christ or I would be nothing.  My own doctor predicted that barring a radical lifestyle change that I would be dead by age 35.

Jerry’s friend Bob is a hard core atheist.  He resists any attempt for anyone to talk to him directly regarding matters of faith, let alone to dare to suggest that there is an Almighty God and that apart from His Son Jesus there is nothing beyond the grave but the eternal torment of hell.  I am not much for the hellfire and brimstone evangelizing but Jesus Himself talked about hell more than anyone else in the Bible.  Hell is real and you don’t get out of hell by being “a nice guy.”  Human beings are intrinsically evil and we all fall short of God’s standards, which is why we need Christ.

I know that while there is life there is hope but Bob is most likely in the process of dying.  I pray for his physical healing even though I know he would be outraged to hear of it.  I pray even more that somehow, someway God will find a way through his hard heart and that he will accept the good news of salvation in Christ.

Sometimes the only way we have to preach the gospel is not through words but through our actions and care for someone, to be as Christ to them even though they don’t believe.  I don’t know what if anything God can do with me but He is more than welcome to try.

From The Pangs of Purgatory to the Fires of Hell, and a Rear-End Thermometer Too

Speaking of screwing, you know you work in a high-crime neighborhood when the bail bondsmen have billboards.  You know it’s spring, and therefore drive-by shooting season has resumed, when our good friend Chuck Brown the bail bondsman has graced Morse Road with his graphic but effective ad:

If I’m going down, hopefully I will have the sentience of mind to remember our good friend Chuck Brown.  Better yet I would pray for the sentience of mind not to commit acts such as armed robbery, grand theft auto, drug trafficking, or capital murder, that may render me in need of the services Mr. Brown provides.  The billboard next to it was sponsored by a local church, telling fathers to take responsibility for their children.  Perhaps if more people paid attention to billboard #1 there would be far less need for billboard#2.  Many young offenders never had a father in the true sense of the word- and there is a world of difference between being merely a sperm donor and being a father to one’s children.

You would not see this billboard in a nice polite conservative Republican suburb by the way. There is a reason for that, namely that nice, polite, conservative Republicans tend not to engage in armed robbery, grand theft auto, drug trafficking or capital murder.  We generally are not into drive-bys, as we have been taught to solve our grievances by more civilized and less permanent means.  We are generally averse to taking other people’s cars to sell them to chop shops, and the only drugs we take are the ones our doctors prescribe.   Mr. Brown would not make much money off of us.

When you see ads like this you know you are in da ‘hood now.

I know I can use things like this to reinforce my misanthropic view.  I try not to be overly biased but it’s downright scary when the shop and rob  store next door gets robbed regularly and we get treated to SWAT and helicopters and K-9 units being deployed right across the parking lot.  It kills my faith in human nature and reinforces my deep disdain for Democrat politicians who think moving a bunch of violent foreigners into the city of Columbus was a good idea. T

Then again I have to agree with one teaching of John Calvin (no I am not a strict Calvinist in terms of theology, but Calvin had a lot of things right)- the total depravity of man.  Apart from God humanity is pure evil, no doubt about that.

Leash Laws for Children, Why Dogs are Better than Kids, and Shut ‘Em Up Already

I have absolutely no tolerance for children who misbehave in public.  I think my already nonexistent tolerance for the rantings of rugrats was pushed beyond its limits yesterday.  I had been suffering from a most nasty sinus infection topped off with stomach distress and Montezuma’s Revenge most of last week.  I had been consigned to bed all day Saturday and most of the day yesterday, so as I dragged my sorry carcass through Kroger’s the last thing I wanted to encounter were miscreant crumb-chompers. 

There were a little boy and little girl- I would say aged between 5 and 7 years (old enough to know how to behave in public, at least IMHO) prancing about and screaming for all they were worth all through the frozen foods in Kroger.  Combine this with still being halfways sick, and it’s crowded in the store to begin with being that it’s Welfare Day, (or more precisely the day after Welfare Day, but close enough) and I am  getting mildly agoraphobic (I don’t do crowds well) on top of just plain feeling crappy.  With each passing moment I was getting more and more pissed off that said children’s mother was nowhere to be seen, let alone actively retrieving and restraining them from their misbehavior.

Not that the 70’s were an idyllic time- but I would at that moment given anything to grab the little banchees and give them a fanny whacking worth screaming about.  I know my mother had done that with several of the neighborhood kids if she caught them misbehaving, then she would tell their mothers so they could continue the whacking at home.  Had I dared to act so improperly at that age my mother would have beat me to Kingdom Come long before my wailings would have reached the ears of bystanders.  Mom was a good Catholic mother- she wanted to make sure we got a good taste of the pangs of purgatory and the fires of hell right here on earth.  Back then there would have been no bleeding heart with Children’s Services number on speed dial.  There were no cell phones back then- and if there had been- the phone would have been used to call the child’s mother so she could give the child the beating he/she deserved for acting up in public, and another beating for having to be reprimanded by someone other than a parent or blood relative.

Of course today you dare not even give a verbal reprimand to a child not your own, and you have to be careful even with your own spawn lest they decide that you are “verbally abusing” them and damaging their gossamer-thin shell of self-esteem.  Then they tell the school counselors that they’re “abused” because you set boundaries on their behavior, and you end up in the principal’s office at the school trying to explain your methods of discipline to some bleeding heart psychologist who then gives you a lecture on positive parenting or some other line of crud.  Bullshit, I say.  Sometimes the only correction for the incorrigible is a fired-up fanny.

I still say keep the kids out of the store and let the dogs in.  My dogs know how to behave in public.  I wish that people with kids like that would be required to keep them on a leash so they didn’t disturb other people with their ranting and raving in the store.  They make leashes and harnesses for kids.  I know at times I had wanted to put Steve-o on one even though he knew his boundaries much better than the kids I encountered in Kroger’s.