I find it a bit ironic that poor people are almost never accused of inappropriate groping, sexual harassment or any of that twaddle. Now it seems that affluent men across the political, financial and celebrity spheres have all become perverts overnight, some for alleged behaviors committed 30 years ago and more. I’m cynical, yes, but the veracity of many of these allegations is dubious for even the most trusting of souls.
I have worked in a male dominated industry my entire life. I have supervised automotive technicians. I have heard (and probably repeated) every sexual innuendo known to humanity. In the course of my long and illustrious career I have been called everything but a fine upstanding white woman. Big whoop. I have been known to be a tad bit on the raw side, at least language-wise, when dealing with assorted idiots myself.
I guess my mentality is more old school. I don’t care what you say or how you joke with me (or even not joke) as long as you keep your hands and other body parts to yourself, and refrain from stalking me. As a person who is generally not cool with physical contact, keeping one’s meathooks and other appendages off of me (unless I explicitly approve of such activity) means a lot. As far as commentary or innuendo, I could give a flying flip less. I can verbally parlay with the best of them. Just don’t touch me, physically threaten my person, or be found on my property without permission, and I can deal. Verbal sparring, joking, teasing and flirting are all part of the experience of being a human being. Unless of course one of the parties involved has cash or clout. Then it becomes a feeding frenzy for any money hungry attorney who capitalizes on character assassination.
I am not talking about legitimate victims of sexual assault. Rape is a serious crime- one of the few that I believe should warrant the death penalty- and it should be taken seriously and prosecuted with extreme prejudice. But true sexual assault is far different than casual banter, comments, or jokes. Sexual assault or rape is not an allegation to toss on an ex-lover or a regretful (but consensual) hook up for revenge for sex from a failed love affair or favor for hire gone sour. To call regretful sex– sex one wishes one had not consented to after the fact- rape is to lessen the severity of legitimate sexual assault and rape. If you made your bed with a scumbag in exchange for a favor, that’s on you. If you thought that sleeping with a tomcat would make him leave his wife for you and he didn’t, that’s on you too.
I am talking about women who go back twenty or thirty years digging up old skeletons such as “so and so said something suggestive about my butt back in 1986” or “I gave so and so a BJ in 2001 because that’s what you had to do to get an audition.” Too bad so sad…NOT. Choices have consequences. A bad decision does not give one the right to seek revenge.
Let’s call it for what it is. When a woman voluntarily exchanges sex for money, favors or career advancement, that makes her a whore. When a man exploits women and takes advantage of their willingness to spread their legs in hope of being granted money, career advancement or favors, that makes him a tomcat and a lecher. Consensual sex is just that. If two people decide to play the sex and power game then the emotional, spiritual and physical consequences lie on them both equally.
This being said, neither party is more or less culpable than the other for the fallout of their behavior.
Unfortunately there are too many women jumping on the “he groped me, etc.” bandwagon. The sad thing is that legitimate victims of sexual assault are being overlooked because women who played the whore are trying to capitalize on their regretful sex and poor choices.
Human beings are male and female, and sex is part of the human condition. As much as society tries to deny the reality of gender and the role of sexual attraction, the elephant is still in the room.