The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding – Other Mammals Seem to Get It Just Fine

So how many three year olds are still breast feeding?  Does the Ohio Department of Health think that I should still be breast feeding my almost 19 year old?  I hope not because he does seem to have a pathological preoccupation with boobs to begin with.

That would be more than a little creepy.  If they are old enough to ask for it they are old enough to eat a McDouble like everyone else.

I understand all too well the advantages of breast feeding an infant– if you’re poor, but not poor enough to have the government give you baby formula for free, breast feeding is the only way to go, at least until the kid gets teeth and can eat normal food like everyone else.  This seemed to work just fine for Steve-o for the first four months or so. (Not three years or however old the toddler is in the picture on the original billboard!)  It amazes me that other mammals seem to get the whole “these teats are here for nursing” bit just fine, but we humans seem to have a problem with it.  Animals also know when it’s time to wean.  Dogs cut off their pups as soon as they get teeth.  Makes sense to me.

Either new mothers are wigged out with the idea of a tiny human hanging off their nipple for fifteen minutes or so every other hour for four to six months, or they don’t make milk for whatever reason, or they just plain don’t want to bother.  For the life of me I can’t understand failing to breast feed your newborn if you are capable, even if your only goal in it is to save a ton of money.   Formula is incredibly expensive for those of us who have to actually pay cash for it.   Supposedly the kid gets sick less often which helps avoid constant doctor visits.   Even if you have a hard time abiding having the kid hanging on you all the time you can get a (n) (electric) breast pump and just milk yourself (doesn’t that sound creepy.. but it’s really not that bad) so someone else can feed the kid later.   I can say Steve-o was healthier than most infants although I don’t know if breast feeding was the sole reason for that.   If you actually just have the kid latch on and go at it, it also saves the hassle of sterilizing bottles and nipples.     You can breast feed discretely if you need to- just toss a blanket over and nobody sees anything.  It’s not rocket science, because newborns have the same rooting reflex that puppies, kittens, piglets, etc. have.  A newborn will figure out what to do with the teat- namely put it in his mouth and chew on it…apparently the male of the species never grows out of that reflex, but I digress.

It is a good thing that the government is encouraging breast feeding- it saves the taxpayers money after all and it’s a lot healthier for infants as long as their moms stay off crack and all that.  One disadvantage of breast feeding is that you do have to eat with some regard to health and you can’t be drunk and high the whole time.

I like that.

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