I Don’t Seek Approval, Party Like It’s 1899, and Things that Don’t Suck

2013I usually don’t succumb to the lure of corny party kitsch, but the light up necklace was cute.

I’ve said before I don’t deal much in the currency of optimism, so I don’t see this year being much of an improvement over last.  In fact, I started today out rather depressed.  Today’s been one of those days where I’m actually trolling for things to cheer me up a bit.  I’m actively fighting against the urge to just concede to the Dark Funk and give up.  I guess the fact that I’m fighting the temptation to just give into hopelessness is either a good sign, or it’s just an unwillingness to face the reality that my life is pretty much hopeless.

The best way to give myself a reality check, I’ve discovered is to make three lists- Things that Suck that I Can’t Change, Things that Suck that I Can Change, and Things that Don’t Suck.

Things that Suck that I Can’t Change:

Obama.  ‘Nuff said.

Personal poverty/ not being financially independent

Being stuck in Ohio, especially in the winter

Health issues* (can mitigate but not eliminate- bad heredity and effects from past diseases/injuries suck)

Jerry – especially when he gets into his “bitch about everything and blame everything on me” mode

Things that Suck that I Can (*theoretically anyway) Change

My own reaction to things that suck

My neglect of friends that I should make an effort to see and communicate with more often

I already turn off the “mainstream” TV news (can’t handle the constant Obama worship) and I already avoid following garbage on TV such as anything Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians are doing.  Admittedly I probably get into true crime shows (TruTV, Discovery ID, etc.) and the Military Channel way too much.  I should probably cut down on “World’s Dumbest” and “1000 Ways to Die” and get back into reading a lot more than I do now (although I read a lot by any standard) and maybe get into something a bit more uplifting than unsolved murders, people earning their Darwin Awards, and 20th century history.  I mean, how much is left unturned regarding WWII and Adolf Hitler?

Things that Don’t Suck

God

The dogs and cats

The vacuum cleaner when it gets clogged up with Tipsy McNumbNuts’ cigarette pack cellophanes (the irony of which is that it sucks when the vacuum cleaner doesn’t…)

vacuumThere is no vacuum cleaner made that I don’t have to unclog, tear apart and otherwise rework every time I use the damned thing.

2013 pic

Somehow the deer in the headlights look is a little too typical for me.

Now that I’ve determined that God and the dogs and cats don’t suck, then it should probably follow that I should spend my time in the company of Entities that Don’t Suck as much as I can.

not dead yetSince for now I do appear to be vertical and sucking up valuable oxygen, let’s be creative and try to enjoy it!

I rather enjoy Victorian ephemera- especially patent medicines and other creepy stuff from that era.  I’m surprised anyone survived being treated with the stuff they used as medicine back then, since most of it included either alcohol or opium or various poisons like arsenic, but even today there’s some pretty questionable stuff being used as medicine.

pain killer axe woundImagine the same scenario today, only the rednecks have chainsaws, and the little girl has a bottle of moonshine.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

That’s actually one of the few French phrases I remember from high school French class (Why in the hell did I take French?  Did I think I was going to be deported to Quebec?) and it means, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”  Yes, they do, and not always in a good way.

Mugwump VDI didn’t think Harry Potter had to worry about VD.  Or was that “mugworts?” That sounds like VD anyway.  Something like that.

I’m thinking “Bad Hump” would be a better name for a VD cure-all.  “Take this stuff for last week’s bad hump.”  Or you could just leave it to Dr. Butts:

butts_dispensaryI want to be cured via the US Postal Service.   By Dr. Butts. Yeah.

It’s really kind of scary considering that there really were no cures for VD in Victorian times, and if you got the syph or the clap it could kill you.   Sort of like AIDS today, and heaven only knows whatever other deadly STDs are lurking out there that nobody knows about yet.  Forced chastity might bite in a lot of ways, but I’m old enough to know that 1.) no man is worth a deadly disease, and 2.) there are such things as “meat substitutes” if you get my drift.  The advantage of the “meat substitute” is you don’t have to fix it dinner or unclog its cigarette pack cellophanes from the vacuum cleaner.   I only wish I’d figured that out 20 years ago. Just don’t run out of batteries.

piles-cure01va

Piles: Old time word for “hemorrhoid” – just an FYI

Why is it that back in the day being German cast some sort of legitimacy upon medical quackery?  And I find it hard to believe that a medical doctor would spend most of his life on a hemorrhoid cure, but then everyone needs a purpose.  I’ve still not figured out exactly why I’m still sucking up valuable oxygen, so I’m the last one to talk.

valium_bigThe 20th century wasn’t much better, but at least you could get a good night’s rest, forget about your hemorrhoids AND forget about your pathetic lack of self-esteem!

3 thoughts on “I Don’t Seek Approval, Party Like It’s 1899, and Things that Don’t Suck

  1. Poor psychoneurotic Jan–hopefully the Valium made her forget the crushing pain of being 35 and not having a man. Oh, mercy!

    I loved that you listed among the things you can change your attitude and how you choose to react to things. That is SO important. That choice you mention is what separates us from the animals–we can think about our behavior.

    I believe as well that a person’s financial situation is also changeable. I don’t pretend it’s easy, or even that the effort involved would be worth it to you as you might have to sacrifice other priorities to see it accomplished, but I do believe the old maxim “where there’s a will there’s a way.” And if it were easy, I’d be rolling in the dough (which I’m not).

  2. Even the drugs you could get on a script were better back in the 60’s, at least according to legend. The interesting thing about Valium is it pretty much makes you forget everything. That’s the stuff they give you right before surgery that causes you not to give a rip about anything right before the mask comes down and it’s lights out. I could see someone high on that stuff not caring if they are wearing clothes, let alone about whether or not they have a significant other.

    I know poverty (or at least what I consider relative poverty-as in I’ve always been a lot poorer than my relatives) sucks. I do struggle at times with having enough to pay for scripts and I always have to juggle things around, (and I let Jerry take way too much financial advantage of me) but in the grand scheme of things I’m not eating out of dumpsters or sleeping under a bridge, and I thank God for that. As much as I don’t want to use other people to determine my own standard, I fall prey to the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality as much as anyone. I just need to remember I’m only the turd in the punchbowl if I let other people define my punchbowl for me.

    And you’re right- I could have a much better financial situation if I did things differently, but everything has a cost. Back in the day I traded my health, my sanity and my relationships for professional gain. 80 hours a week isn’t worth it for what being obsessed with your work does to your mind, your body and ultimately your soul. Everything has a trade off. It’s taken me years to get some semblance of balance.

    I’m one of those people who tends to look at the glass as half empty until I get to thinking about it. I may not be driving a BMW and vacationing in Europe every year (like my evil oldest sister does) but I can drive my Toyota and vacation in the Cougar Pool with a somewhat clear conscience, at least. All I can ask for is enough to survive and maybe help someone else a bit here and there along the way.

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