The Most Redneck Phrases Ever Uttered, and Workout Etiquette for the Courtesy Impaired

redneck deer stand

Ah, a repurposed ’84 Ford Escort.  It beats replacing that pesky head gasket again.

“I broke my leg falling out of a deer stand.”

How many PBRs preceded your unfortunate tipsy tumble, and isn’t it rather unsporting to take the high ground when you’re hunting a large terrestrial creature such as a deer?  I could understand taking the high ground to hunt for squirrels who live in the trees (and therefore would be easier to shoot from the heights,) but deer?

2rednecks

“Bubba, cain’t nobody understand ya without yer teeth in.”

Ironically (which I shouldn’t point out, being largely of Anglo descent myself) most rednecks have genetic ties not only to each other, but also to our friends in the UK, who are known world wide to be the most dentally challenged people on earth.  The UK, Kentucky and West Virginia, that is.

I love the Brits, but like many of our Appalachian friends, they aren’t known for straight teeth and dazzling white smiles.

Locker Room

Clean up after your damned self in the locker room!

I’ve actually come to enjoy morning workouts, but I’ve also found that Jerry isn’t the only person out there who was raised by wolves.  Civilized people should know enough to “leave it as you found it.”  Especially in a locker room.  I don’t want to see your dirty towels, used snot rags and heaven only knows what else strewn all over the benches and the vanity and the floor.  That’s just nasty.

I also take care not to indulge potential “taco watchers.”  Just as there are “meat gazers” in the men’s locker room, there are “taco watchers” in the women’s.  I am not one of those women who simply wanders about with naughty bits all out in the open.  I keep everything covered at least with a towel, even as I’m changing clothes or getting ready to shower.  Nobody wants to see that.  And if the watchers are women, I really don’t want them to see that.

swim cap

Civilized people should also have the courtesy to wear swim caps in the pool so I don’t end up back stroking and ending up with human hair sticking between my fingers.  Chlorine does not dissolve hair.  It can, however, strip the color out of it, which is why I am always careful to have my swim cap on.

My ultimate dream is to have my own indoor pool (complete with pool boy) but at least I have access to an indoor pool so I am very grateful for that.  I just wish that other people would be considerate of their surroundings and of other people by observing some simple courtesies.

Then again, I’m old, and I wasn’t raised by wolves.

 

 

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