I Can Explain the Velveeta Shortage!


velveeta large

I can explain the Velveeta Shortage!

Apparently it’s not just Marion County that has a run on Velveeta cheese (I’m not so sure on the Marlboros, maybe it’s just that there are a lot of smokers in Marion County) when there are rumors of impending White Death.

It must be a universal redneck thing.

Impending White Death Apocalypse=Must Have Velveeta Cheese!

Who would have thought?

The good news is that I do have most of a (loaf? brick? box?) of Velveeta cheese left over from holiday scalloped potato adventures.  If you wrap it up so it doesn’t dry out, and keep it in the fridge, it has a 3 bazillion year shelf life.  It should outlive the cockroaches should there be a real apocalypse- unless the cockroaches get to it and eat it first.

wolf brand

I also have plenty of Wolf Brand Chili, sausage, and green peppers to go with the Velveeta cheese for nacho dip should I choose to make it.  I don’t really give a rat’s ass about the Super Bowl, so I will have nachos when I feel like having nachos.



5 thoughts on “I Can Explain the Velveeta Shortage!

    • So what other kind of cheese do you use to make nachos? Cheez Whiz? I don’t use Cheez Whiz because it’s kind of hard to scrape out of the jar. Spray cheese? I could never have spray cheese in the house because Steve-o and Jerry both will upend the bottle and spray the entire contents into their gaping maws.

      To be fair, Central Ohio is not known for being a cuisine hot spot. Nobody comes to Central Ohio saying to himself, “I am looking for a gourmet dining experience.” The typical traveler is saying to himself, upon perusing dining options in the greater Columbus area, “I hope I don’t get salmonella, and I hope the john is clean.” Consider yourself fortunate if you find a Bob Evans or a Cracker Barrel (pun intended…) At least that is good, safe redneck food.

      It is really hard to find good Cajun or Thai around here, because the locals are generally terrified to eat anything that might have spice in it.

      • What kind of cheese for nachos? Why, nacho cheese, of course.

        Where I live the really high-end food is fish, which I don’t eat, so I don’t get to enjoy. And I use the term “enjoy” rather loosely, as the taste of fish makes me want to heave.

    • Fish is the one thing I adore but have to be very very careful with in this locale. Fresh fish is limited to either Lake Erie perch (very good,) saugeye (in season) or farm-raised catfish or tilapia. Aquaculture is big in Ohio, so we eat a lot of catfish and tilapia. Farm-raised is probably the safest as wild caught fish can have loads of mercury, farm runoff, sewage and various industrial effluvia in it. Even the dept. of Natural Resources will tell you not to eat wild caught fish out of Lake Erie more than three times a week. They keep a running list of what you can (supposedly safely) eat out of which rivers, lakes and reservoirs, and how often. Even so, I usually won’t turn down either fresh perch or saugeye when I can get it.

      Eating shellfish or any kind of salt water fish is most risky here unless it has been frozen- and fresh or frozen, it’s way expensive. There are some high faluting restaurants downtown that have fish flown in daily from the East Coast, but they are way out of my price range.

      Usually my budget is more like canned tuna.

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