I am sure the tome from the 1950’s advertised above has long been out of print, but I bet it’s most informative. I can only imagine how quaint and tame the descriptions of sex acts in this book might sound when compared to some of the crazy things people do today. I am sure this book does not contain terms such as, “dominatrix,” “golden shower,” “dirty Sanchez,” or “fisting.” It may come as news to some, but there was actually sex before the 1960’s. It was just kept behind closed doors, for the same reason most people keep the vacuum cleaner in the closet. You know someone vacuums the floors from time to time, but you don’t necessarily want to keep the vacuum cleaner on display.
In my case, the vacuum cleaner has been in the closet a very long time, but that’s my problem. Involuntary celibacy is not for the faint of heart. It is for the troll-like of body, and too soft of heart, however.
Speaking of vacuum cleaners, sometimes that’s the only thing in my life that doesn’t suck…which sucks because the vacuum cleaner is the one thing that’s supposed to suck. No matter what I do (and I am sure that having three cats, three large dogs, and an incessant smoker doesn’t help here,) keeping the damned thing unclogged takes more time than the actual act of vacuuming. I would like to pose a challenge to any vacuum cleaner manufacturer. If you can provide me a vacuum cleaner (that I don’t have to unclog, replace the belt, or completely rework every three minutes of use) that will actually suck up dog hair and the various other detritus- especially those damned cigarette pack cellophanes that Jerry trails behind him- that ends up on my floors, then you will actually have a decent product that is that is worth the $100-$500 one has to pay for it. So far I have not been able to find any vacuum cleaner from any price range, manufacturer or design that I deem to be effective. Let me do your product testing!
I highly doubt that any vacuum cleaner manufacturer would be able to build a vacuum cleaner that would work for any length of time in my house. There are just too many opportunities for Murphy’s Law to manifest itself. First of all there’s the dog hair, most notably Sheena hair. Sheena is a Husky/GSD crossbreed- with the horrific perennially shedding thick double coat found in both of those breeds. To make it worse, Sheena’s hair is predominately white, so it doesn’t blend in. So at any given time, save for right after I’ve vacuumed, you will find tufts of white fluff pretty much everywhere. The house has been Sheenatized. Lilo also has a dense double coat, but the bulk of her shedding is in spring and fall (or the Central Ohio seasons of Monsoon and Fall Monsoon) so hers isn’t usually as bad. Clara is the lightest shedder, with the sparser Malinois coat- but during the twice a year blowouts even she can drop some serious hair.
Dog hair is lethal enough to vacuum cleaners, but then you have Mr. Cig Pack Cellophane dropping those nasty bits of clear (and therefore almost impossible to see) plastic all over creation to clog up the works along with the hair. One may pose the question, “Why doesn’t he throw them away in the trash can?,” to which I must reply, he was raised by wolves. I am doing good for him to get a daily change of clothes and a daily shower. Beyond that, he pretty well leaves a trail of wrappers, cig butts, pop and/or beer cans, wherever he goes. There is a laundry chute in the bathroom and the whitey-tighties still end up on the floor. His mother did not train her POMC very well. I hope I did better with mine.
My favorite Rube Goldberg machine is in the “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” movie- the machine that serves up Pee-Wee’s breakfast, including his smiley face pancake and Mr. T Cereal.
To me, the Rube Goldberg machine provides a wonderful illustration of logical progression- what led up to this and that and finally the final result. It also is a wonderful illustration of what happens if a step in the progression fails.
For the want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For the want of a horse the rider was lost.
For the want of a rider the battle was lost.
For the want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
I don’t wish even someone as misguided as Obama eternity with Beezelbub, or even scathing, humiliating defeat, but the way he’s going now it seems like scathing, humiliating defeat might just be what he wants.