Too Much Effing Basketball, Reflections on “That Special Time,” and Misandry Revisited

Why, oh, why are they putting that damned basketball tournament on TruTV again? It pissed me off enough last year.  That’s why there are channels like TruTV on cable, so that those of us who don’t care for sports have interesting shit to watch.  Why not take over the Oprah Channel for all the people who are regular TruTV watchers who don’t give a rat’s ass who’s playing who and sure as shit don’t want to watch the games?   Almost $200 a month for premium cable and I’m still buried in farking sports. It pisses me off royally.  I think Time Warner should have to refund me for the entire month of March.  I am having withdrawal from Smoking Gun:World’s Dumbest.  I actually ended up watching a documentary on bugs on NatGeo because most of the channels were either sports or pecker pump infomercials, or the Bigfoot special, so the bug show was the most interesting thing on TV the other night.   Either bugs or the endless speculation over the existence of Bigfoot.  I don’t believe in Bigfoot- someone would have found a body or at the very least, scat, by now- but I have evidence for the existence of bugs, so I went with the bugs.  Might as well learn about the various nasty little arthropods that inhabit the planet.   The bug shows made for some rather interesting dreams.  Now I know why as a kid I used to fry ants with a magnifying glass.  Pesky little bastards.  Must…not…let…the…queen….live—

Now I would be interested in both Bigfoot and basketball if they could find Bigfoot and get him to play basketball.  That might be interesting, given that Bigfoot is (theoretically) over 7′ tall.  If I were to make up a mythical man-beast I’d like him to be tall too, but I could do without the massive hair.  I’m not a fan of excessive body hair.  If I were to make up a mythical man-beast he would look a lot like Antonio Banderas.  He would also have a lot of money, and an insatiable fetish for older women with troll-like proportions.

The bad thing is, the really hot ones are either gay, married (to a good looking woman) or hopelessly stupid.

The various History Channels seem to be caught up in the doomsday stuff that I’ve already watched, and for the most part discounted.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: What makes people think that an ancient culture who practiced blood sacrifice and cannibalism is some kind of authority on doomsday?  Granted, the Mayans were really, really good at astronomy and math.   So was Ted Kaczynski, at least the math part.  What did that get him?  Harold Camping could probably recite the entire KJV Bible from memory, but all of his doomsday predictions (supposedly based on Scripture) were wrong.  Here we still are. 

I’ve said it before, but I really don’t want to know the exact date and time when the world will end.  It’s sort of irrelevant anyway because everyone is going to die.  If the world doesn’t end you still die.  The rest of the world goes on, but you don’t care because you’re dead.  If the world ends, you and everyone else die at the same time.  What’s the diff?  The scenario I don’t want to experience is one of those cataclysmic disaster type events that doesn’t annihilate everything outright but causes mass extinctions and lots of slow, lingering death.  I know people build shelters and stock up on everything from canned peas to condoms, but is that any way to live?  The survival mentality is nothing new- back in the 1950’s everyone thought the USSR was going to nuke us so people built bomb shelters and stocked up on food and supplies and so forth.  The bad thing about the doomsday shelter is,” How long can you last? ”  Would it be better to just be in the line of fire and be suddenly disintegrated- instant death- or to linger about underground in a shelter counting the days and rationing stale decades-old food?  I don’t think it would be terribly enjoyable.

100% vegetarian.  No meat.  How lovely.  About as appetizing as pool chemicals, which come in the same type barrels.  On the plus side, it does have the shelf life of a Twinkie, which means it will be fresh long after I’m dead.

Yesterday I mentioned that I was thankful for the benefits of menopause.  Believe me, camping out in the frozen food section of Kroger’s to get cooled off is infinitely better than the alternative.  I can deal with hot flashes. I can also wear white pants any day I want.   It’s creepy that the manufacturers of certain feminine items try to make “that special time” of the month sound like a freaking vacation in Jamaica.  There should be some truth in advertising when you’re talking about that particular bodily process.  I can’t speak for every other woman out there, but I had specific anatomical anomalies and surgical scars, etc. that made Aunt Flo’s visit a huge nightmare every month.  I went through years of torment with it. 

Rather than visions of flowers and butterflies and kittens, why not skulls and crossbones?  Bloody daggers would be another extremely appropriate theme.  If I were to develop feminine hygiene items, I’d go with a pirate theme. 

Imagine a box of extra-absorbent adult diapers (because “overnight” is  a lot longer than fifteen minutes, and that’s about how long the “overnight” maxis lasted me) with a colorful skull and crossbones motif.  That would at least reflect some truth in advertising. 

I’ve always been a bit of a misanthrope, but contrary to my postings of late I do find men attractive.  Vexing, yes- complicated, always, but oddly endearing, sort of like Sheena when she flops over and lands on my feet.  Sheena’s a hopeless clutzy ditz.  Jerry is worse, at least as far as the beer drinking and stupid behavior that accompanies that-(instant asshole, just add alcohol) but he has his charm.  I’ll have to remember that when I’m scraping man-face-fur shavings out of the sink again.  I need to remember to get the drain cleaner tonight.

 

 

 

I Don’t Need No Stinking Brackets! Next Time, Try the Oprah Channel!

Ok, now I’m pissed.  Last night I was denied my fix of  World’s Dumbest due to freaking basketball. Why take away my TruTV- one of my favorite channels, that is normally gloriously devoid of all things sport- and have basketball instead of  World’s Dumbest?  Why can’t they put the extra sports (yes I know it’s March Madness- it’s all I hear from Jerry and it’s all I hear at work) on the Oprah Channel or some other channel I don’t watch, like the Fishing Network or better yet, one of the 8 different ESPNs?  The only thing about putting sports games on the Oprah Channel is that little old bitties like my Mom would probably have a coronary.  Mom needs gossip, scandal and treacly pathos like a fish needs to be in water.   Then again, there’s always the Hallmark Channel if you want to watch those dreadful tear-jerker chick flicks that Mom adores, but I just plain can’t stand. 

To be fair, TruTV did air two episodes of World’s Dumbest before the games were supposed to start, but it really disturbs my little world when it’s Thursday night and I don’t get a new episode of World’s Dumbest.  I know, I need to either get a hobby, or better yet, get a life.  I did make use of the time to watch a documentary on the reasons why the Titanic failed on National Geographic Channel, so at least I learned something.  I also cleaned up and defragged my home computer, which kept me offline last night, but thankfully it’s a LOT faster this morning.  It’s old, and I’d love to have one of those new tablet PCs, but I can’t afford a new one.  I can’t even afford a memory card and/or an external hard drive for the one I have.  So from time to time I have to houseclean and defrag it, otherwise it would be so stinking slow it wouldn’t matter whether I have Roadrunner or not.  Since I am paying out the wazoo for both premium cable and Roadrunner, I might as well get my use out of both of them.

I am hoping for a very quiet and sports-free weekend. 

Jerry of course will be watching all the basketball and NASCAR, etc. he possibly can all weekend, but this is the beauty of having two TVs.  I’ll either be catching up on my napping, or I’ll be watching the Discovery Channel, Science Channel, History Channel, National Geographic, etc. whilst he is being occupied with sports.

I have come to the conclusion that the Thinking Woman is a rather rare beast.  I’m talking about women who take the a predominantly rational approach to life rather than a predominantly emotional approach.  Most women (even the prevailing emotionally dominant types) are more intelligent than most men.  When I say Thinker, I’m not referring to intelligence per se, but to a method for getting through life.   For those who are familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, there are Feelers- people who act primarily on their emotions, and there are Thinkers, who act primarily on logical thought.  Neither of these orientations is right or wrong, better or worse- they’re just different perspectives and ways of operating. Most women are Feelers, while most men are Thinkers, at least according to the minds behind Myers-Briggs.  From experience I would have to say I agree with that general assertion, though I know there are exceptions.  Jerry is more emotional than any woman I’ve ever encountered, and I’m probably the least emotionally driven person I know.

I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs.  Twice.  Both times the result was the same.  My type is INTP, which really is no surprise, especially the Thinking and Introverted elements.  I am about as warm and fuzzy as a tire iron. 

I enjoy time with people (sometimes) but I prefer one-on-one discourse instead of being in a crowd- especially if the group is loud.  Most of the time I’d really rather be by myself.  If there’s something I need to do, leave me alone and let me do it.  I have a really hard time with group projects.  I don’t mind doing my fair share…but let leave me alone and let me do it.

There are all sorts of entertainments for the Feeling Woman out there- Oprah, Hallmark, Home and Garden, TV talk shows, those dreadful chick magazines like Cosmopolitan, ad nauseam.  The Thinking Woman gravitates toward some of the same stuff as Thinking Men- true crime, documentaries, history, and so forth, but most of us really can’t get wrapped up in sports.  The Thinking Man embraces all the players’ names, team names, standings, statistics and all that sort of crud that would just clog up my brain.  It wouldn’t be crud to me if I were interested in sports, but I’m not, so it doesn’t make any sense for me to memorize any of that stuff.  I did find out amidst all the March Madness banter that there is actually a college named Morehead.  I normally don’t feel sorry for cheerleaders, but I feel sorry for the Morehead cheerleaders.  Believe that.

I know I am not the only Thinking Woman out there, but I’ve not met very many in my lifetime. 

I know the basketball deluge is only temporary, but I’ll be glad when I get to go back to my Thursday night new episode of World’s Dumbest.